Journey 2 Mysterious Island, Dwayne Johnson, Josh Hutcherson, Vanessa Hudgens

Pec Poppin’ Dwayne Johnson in Journey 2: The Mysterious Island

Journey 2 Mysterious Island, Dwayne Johnson, Josh Hutcherson, Vanessa Hudgens

Jules Verne is probably rolling in his grave because the trailer for Journey 2: The Mysterious Island is almost painful to watch, with the only thing sadder than a destroyed classic being Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson’s complete and total fall to disgrace.

Some sequels just make you scratch your head and wonder how a second film managed to get made after the first film did nothing but blow major chunks. After needing a healthy dose of eye-bleach from seeing Brendan Fraser’s lackluster performance in Journey to the Center of the Earth 3d, I felt comfortable in the knowledge that a sequel would not be following in the footsteps of that dud. When I discovered a second film was actually in the works, I figured things would be straightened out and we’d actually get a good movie. After all, Dwayne Johnson finally left the comedic efforts behind and found his action niche with the Fast and Furious franchise so Journey 2 must be turning into a Raiders of the Lost Ark-style movie with Johnson as a muscular Indiana Jones, right?

Wrong! Oh so wrong.

Imagine the cheesiest, lamest movie you’ve ever seen on the SyFy channel. Journey 2: The Mysterious Island aspires to be that… and fails. The special effects don’t really seem to be that bad, with the tiny elephants being exceptionally cute, but the good times end with the midget pachyderms. The final nail is slammed into the coffin with Johnson’s ‘pec pop of love.’ Really?

Unfortunately, there’s actually a good story buried in the cheese. Sean Anderson (Josh Hutcherson from the first film) sets off with new stepdad Hank Parsons (Johnson) to find his grandfather (Michael Caine), who finally discovered the Mysterious Island after years of searching for it. Gabato (Luis Guzman) is the helicopter pilot that gets them there and then becomes the comic relief throughout the rest of the movie and Vanessa Hudgens portrays Guzman’s daughter Kailani, because Sean apparently needed a love interest.

I think this would’ve been an awesome movie if it had been done as an action adventure but the comedy coat doesn’t fit it well, and I worry about how many more of Verne’s classic tales will be molested by a similar treatment.

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island hits theaters on February 10, 2012. Check out the trailer while I ponder why this thing didn’t just go straight to DVD.

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