“Blackwater”

Rachel: What did you think of the episode overall?

Elena: I loved what HBO did with “The Blackwater.”  I thought it was totally ballsy for them to drop more than half their storylines for an entire episode to focus completely on this siege.  I also felt it was a risk for their production team to get into this level of nitty-gritty detail with the logistics of a battle.

Could they balance the moments of dramatic tension with the action sequences their budget allowed for well enough to keep everything on point and engaging?  Did they have enough of a budget to make a satisfying attack on King’s Landing at all?  Both of which questions they managed to answer with a resounding “yes.”

The attack on King’s Landing had character moments, it had one huge sequence with the wildfire burning half the fleet, it had plot advancement, and it had some pretty nice scenes of battle action.  Even though we didn’t really get a macro shot of the attack on Mud Gate itself, that was fine—the close-up on certain characters’ experiences mirrors how this entire story is told.  Game of Thrones becomes epic via a vast pastiche of minor moments, not because it is heavy on epic moments.  That was how the battle was structured, and it worked for me.

Elena: Stannis just wants to be sure we all know he is a badass, and possibly touched by R’hllor. That’s why he has no helmet.

Rachel: Maybe they didn’t put a helmet on Stannis because they are overly concerned the audience will not recognize a main character. HBO does think the audience is comprised entirely of people who only watch GoT while walking back and forth between the couch and the fridge, who can’t spell their own names let alone read the books and remember who is on which side of whatever battle….

Maybe they just didn’t have any money left in the budget for helmets because they BLEW UP ALL THE MONEY.

Ugh…the bitterness. It flows through me. Excuse me, I have to go be Zen for a moment.

So…we were talking about how Stannis is SO INCREDIBLY BADASS that he doesn’t even need a helmet, because he doesn’t fear death! Stannis knows he is meant to be king and no random peasant is going to lob a rock on HIS destined head, NO SIR!

Maybe Stannis is too busy remembering what it was like to have hair, and standing in the prow of a row boat while cruising along towards his new, way more awesome castle is JUST the place to feel the wind caress his forehead. To feel it lick his temples and noodle in his ears…

I’m getting off track.

But it DOES suck that Stannis came SOOOO CLOSE to winning it all right then and there. Such is your lot, Stannis! Born second. Classic middle child.

Rachel: Varys proves that he hates witches, and that he gives a shit about Westeros: agree, or disagree?

Elena: Agree!  Verily I agree.

I really enjoyed the Varys scenes this episode.  For the first time I actually felt anything for him, or from him, as a character.  He is mildly distasteful in that you know he’s scheming and can’t be trusted (nor can he be trusted to betray you every time! That’s what makes him frustrating to deal with), but I just haven’t known what to make of him up till now.  I still don’t know what his game is, but I finally saw a moment of truth from him when he was talking about the witches like Melisandre.  He hates them and fears them, and he does not want to see them gaining any power in Westeros.  He gives a shit about what happens in Westeros.  I felt like the tears in his eyes when he spoke about that were genuine.

When we were discussing this episode, Rachel pointed out to me that Cersei had a moment of tears with Cat, and perhaps these were equally fake (or maybe-fake), but I think they were real.  Tears can be a weapon, sure, as they speak to an apparent truthfulness, but what was Varys trying to accomplish if he were faking the emotion?  He was talking to Tyrion, and the two of them have obviously allied in some ways.  If Varys wants to protect King’s Landing from Stannis and his red woman, and he believes Tyrion is the only one who can help, then maybe he manipulates him that way…except that Varys has to know Tyrion is already as committed as he could ever be to defending the city.  Tyrion will be shown no mercy by Stannis.  Tyrion is also the sort of person who does what needs to be done no matter what; Varys knows this.  So there is nothing his words will encourage or inspire Tyrion to do that Tyrion wasn’t already going to do, ergo he does not need to use that weapon at that time.

So I think Varys was for one brief scene dropping his masks.  I still don’t understand him, but I am more intrigued by him for the glimpse of humanity.  It was a well-placed moment, as he’s a character who has been a cipher for most of the series so far.  Also, because he is so inscrutable most of the time, his feelings towards the witches are more powerful.  It makes me wonder if Stannis really knows what he’s doing, meddling with a power like that.  It makes me glad Davos was there to talk him into leaving Melisandre behind and taking the city on his own.

…except, with his failure to take the city, will he come back a second time, with her?

Oh my god, y’all, maybe another Shadowbaby will kill Joffrey!  That would be amazing. I would be Team Shadowbaby forevah!

Elena: I say this because (SPOILER ALERT) Joffrey fails at everything except pleasing the viewers by dying ignobly.

Rachel: First Rule of Reading AsoIaF – GRRM wants you to suffer.

Plus he seems to be excelling quite well at being a doucheweasel!

Elena: Talk to me about how much you loved Tyrion in this episode. Was it as much as I did?

Rachel: Of course I loved Tyrion. Everyone loves Tyrion. He’s the only normal person in the entire series. He’s craftier, sadder, more tortured, and more insecure in the novels, but since he’s their Emmy winner – HBO is going to make him mostly funny.

So I’m really happy they allowed Peter to do a little frustration, anger and uncertainty in “The Blackwater.” Mixed with bravado and smartassery – VOILA. Show Tyrion. Loved by all! Who am I kidding, when he casually lopped off that one guy’s leg at the knee…I LOLed.

Sometimes, though, it’s hard for me to ever be truly WORRIED about Tyrion – since he is obviously a stand-in for the audience, and GRRM himself.  Even more so in the show. Not that I really expected HBO to hack Dinklage’s face off…that was never going to happen. Production, makeup, acting. But kudos for pulling an almost Tarantino with that face slash. It made the inside of my face tingly.

Speaking of faces…seems like those of us living in the States can also fear for our facial symmetry.

No. Let’s move on.

Picking up the slack. Being the only USEFUL Lannister. It’s got to be hard for him seeing as he’s daddy’s least favorite child. Cersei is planning on killing herself and Tommen (leaving Myrcella to what, exactly? THINK IT THROUGH, CERSEI). Joffrey is a little baby – himself a product of some whacky parenting in which his “I should have been born a man, I want to fight” mother apparently never thought her eldest son should receive any martial training at all?

Jaime is off being besties with Brienne, which is actually fine. Otherwise he’d be in King’s Landing, swaggering around, his mere presence forcing Tyrion to leave everything to the elder brother. I like take charge Tyrion. The peasants like him too? Maybe they’ll stop calling him a Demon Monkey?

Rachel: But sadly, best in show goes to Bronn, not Tyrion. Bronn is an expert archer, skilled in hand to hand combat, singing Lannister drinking songs (raise your hand if The National’s cover of “The Rains of Castamere” sent you into barely controlled hysterics), and trading quips with the Hound.

Elena: Holy shit, yes, Bronn has proven to be quite the Renaissance man about Westeros!  I actually wondered if he is a Jon Snow of Lannister country (Bronn Stone or whatever they’re called there) who was raised with certain…pretensions.  He knows the Lannister song.  He can sing in perfect pitch even drunk.  He can read.  He knows obscure military tacticians.  He might be a sell-sword, but…where did he learn swordplay?  That’s not how the peasants fight—that’s how lords fight.  Knights and landholders.  Hm.  I have never questioned Bronn’s lowness because mercenaries are so reviled, but now I begin to wonder.

Rachel: Speaking of things we wondered about…WTF was that with Shae at the end?

Elena: Um…. (crickets chirp)

Shae’s last scene befuddled me.  I…don’t know what she meant about saying goodbye.  Either the city doesn’t fall, and life goes on as it has been, and she stays with Tyrion (even if she can’t stay with Sansa now that Cersei has noticed her), or Stannis takes the city and Tyrion dies.  There is no saying goodbye either way.  That line just made no sense. It made no sense if she meant it, and it made no sense for her to give a shit about what Sansa thought or did if she was about to run for a tunnel.

I am confused.  Curious to see if we ever see Shae again, but only mildly.  I never really have gotten into her and Tyrion as a couple.  I know he likes low women, but I have the snobbery of a very well-read woman and think he ought to be with someone who can keep up with him intellectually, not someone who is sweet and just feisty enough to challenge his Lannister pride.  So I’m kind of meh on their whole relationship.  If Cersei succeeded in hurting her, would it hurt him because he really loved her or because he hates to see anyone weaker than himself hurt, especially because of him?  The fact that I ask that question tells me I don’t think he really loves her, not the way I understand the word.  He just considers her his, and he takes care of his own.

Rachel: Can we talk about Cersei now? Can we?

Elena: Cersei.  Cersei, Cersei, Cersei.  Why did you have to be such a raging cunt so many times before this?  I almost like you after this episode.  Sitting there getting drunk, and then getting drunk on telling the truth so you just keep speaking it, because once you say the first uncomfortable truth you realize how good it feels to stop pretending.

I was uncomfortable about how much I related to her in these scenes.  The last place I’d want to be is amidst the crying women (although I wouldn’t want to be swinging a sword…I’d rather be alone, getting drunk by myself, at a time like that).   And I have a knack for polarizing people into those who love me and those who hate me because I am not very good at not speaking truths.  I popped that cork a long time ago.  So I got where she was coming from.

Rachel was spot-on in our Skype to say that she kind of falls apart under pressure, though—she’s not being the strong queen the ladies can be inspired by, even though she knows it’s what they want, what the story they tell themselves is supposed to have.  She does not deal well with the waiting, with the not knowing, with the inaction.  She also does not deal well with what she perceives as an inevitable defeat.

I might actually give her the benefit of the doubt here and suggest that if she were allowed to hold a sword and fight, that she would do it, and bravely, and with no cringing or second thoughts.  I think her problem is that she has a masculine personality in a woman’s body and a woman’s role in life.  Men are generally not good in that kind of situation.  They are fine with the fighting, but the waiting and wondering are hell for them.  They are great in short-term crises but not long-term ones, so good at killing enemies one by one and not so good at sickbeds…or behind walls awaiting an outcome.

But Cersei was apparently never quite brave enough to do what, say, Brienne of Tarth has done and reject basically her family and the life she knows to become what she wants, even if that is a role traditionally reserved for men, and so instead she has been warped and twisted by the constraints of her life.  She is ill-suited for behaving in the ways women are supposed to behave, but she has never taken control of her life to live it the way she wants.  She instead makes petty rebellions, like drinking too much instead of actually inspiring her flock of ladies, or bringing Joffrey in instead of letting him become a king who can inspire his men by leading them in battle.

I found this an interesting contrast to Sansa’s reaction.  Sansa was the one who stepped into the role and tried to be a rock for the other women.  I have no doubt she would have stayed there indefinitely except for Shae’s quite rational point that Stannis Baratheon would show her mercy where Ser Ilyn would not, and that she should not be in the room with him when the city fell and he decided to kill the women so Stannis could not use them against their families. Now, I know not much has been made of Sansa’s storytelling in the show; from book Sansa I know she would do this via the method of acting like a brave queen in an old ballad, but even with that sort of layering of reality with her fantasy role-playing…she is still standing there and not breaking down.  It’s really not that different from the sort of prop all of us use to get through hard times.

Now, the other big Sansa moment was at the end.  Our San-San ship crashing into the hard rocks of reality shoals.  Personally, I don’t know why the girl didn’t run when she had the chance.  Being the Hound’s sex slave for a weeks-long hike to Winterfell (or life) is way better than being married to Joffrey.  I think the problem was that Sansa thought Stannis was going to win.  Cersei inspired the wrong conviction in her breast!  So she was assuming that she would get sent back to Robb or at worst would still be a hostage but at least not one facing imminent marriage to a sociopath.  Win-win.  The Hound’s offer must have seemed like the pimply geek asking her to prom when she was dating the quarterback.

Unfortunately for Sansa, Stannis will not be liberating her any time soon.

I do wonder if Margaery Tyrell might be up for some liberating Sansa, though, since she is determined to be The Queen and Joffrey is really her only viable path at this point.  I bet between Littlefinger and Tywin and Margaery they can find a way around marrying Joffrey to Sansa.  I just hope it doesn’t involve killing the girl.  She has grown on me enough that I don’t want to see the little bird die.

Rachel: Hmmmmm, astute of you. This may or may not be important when it becomes common knowledge that Robb has lost Winterfell to the Greyjoys. Sansa’s worth as a key to the North might come into question at that point, or she might be an excuse to invade the North on behalf of the South. Either way, I’m glad Sansa didn’t take the Hound up on his offer…. could you imagine what would happen to Sansa at her homecoming? Shudder.

Elena: Speaking of dying…. Wildfire! And sad onion knight Ser Davos.

Rachel: Davos is ALWAYS sad. Okay, so this time his son got blowed up and Stannis lost the war and Tywinning handed them their asses…but he’ll always have the night the lights went out in that cave with Melisandre? (Oh yeah…remember Reba? I’m having a moment here…). Oh wait, no, he doesn’t want to remember that ever again. (Me neither.) (But Tremors is amazing.)

Let’s talk about the fuuucking wildfire. THEY BLEW IT UP. THEY FINALLY DID IT! The Hound was all scared, soldiers were on fire, the Maester was giddy with joy. The only thing I missed was the great chain that Tyrion had them secretly build and string across the water to block the ships from escaping the port, so that he could really make sure they ALL burned. Obviously this point was a victim of more streamlining. That’s fine. I think most of Stannis’ ships burned. I guess. I might be on Team Wild Fire.

Let’s talk about those battle scenes:

They were definitely great. For television especially. Not as gruesome as your average episode of True Blood (waves at the dude who got his head all splatted), but I’m okay with that because the more gore, the less serious the situation becomes for the audience. There was certainly reliance on cut shots rather than epic panning because, duh. Shit is expensive. They gave us that one long shot when the boat blew. Beauteous as it was.

I was a little miffed that there were no horses. It makes everything seem a whole lot smaller than it should have felt? Like when Lancel is running back and forth between the battle and Cersei, it’s almost like he is just ducking through the portcullis and running into the throne room and …well, obviously, there’s an entire fucking CITY in between. The same goes for Tyrion skulking through the sewers to come around behind Stannis’ men (also…where did those backup troops of Stannis’ even COME from? Around the corner?!)

Then suddenly Tywinning barges in and we’re expected to instantly recognize Renly’s armor as distinct from Tywin’s (which even I did not immediately notice or comprehend until I saw Loras take the helmet off after, and then I was all…ohhhh Loras wearing Renly’s armor moment). (And yet Stannis didn’t have a helmet? I DON’T UNDERSTAND SOMETIMES.)

Zen.

Anyways what I mean is Loras is the only person in Westeros with a damn horse, and it just happens to be the same horse Tywin has been riding all season?

Get some horses HBO. JUST GET SOME.

Elena: Wait, wasn’t Tywin going for Robb? And how did the Tyrells get involved? Was that where Littlefinger went and what he did? OMG what scheme did he and Tywin concoct for him to offer to the Tyrells!?  How sad is Stannis tonight? What will he do next?

Rachel: Ha haaa…you were fooled! Arya was fooled! Tywin went for King’s Landing instead of Robb. A totally different direction!

Now why would the Tyrells be involved? It’s quite simple. The Tyrells supported Renly. Renly was killed by (no one knows), but they suspect Stannis’ involvement. So they can’t turn around and support Stannis’ claim. But they CAN support the next Baratheon claimant, which would be Joffrey. Catelyn ran off with Brienne, herself a suspect in Renly’s death, so that pretty much killed the Tyrell’s allying with Robb in a Northern/Southern pincher attack. Of course, Margaery wouldn’t be interested in that anyways, since Robb is promised to a bridge and that doesn’t leave many avenues towards Queenhood, other than allying with another House to claim the Iron Throne, since Robb doesn’t want it. That just brings us back to the original Baratheon conflict, and the Tyrells are left with Joffrey again. Mostly because Loras wants himself some vengeance against Stannis for killing Renly. Mostly.

Littlefinger is obviously playing a huge role in this – don’t forget he exists! He has teleportation powers that he has lent to Tywin, in the land of Westeros where distances have no meaning in the narrative. (ZEN).

Anyways, it’s incredibly important because although the Lannisters are not without some serious army, the Tyrells are just as rich as the Lannisters, and they’ve got TONS of men in their army. This is definitely a great move for the Lannisters since Dorne has never loved them, and the Tyrells provide a perfect buffer and protection against the southernmost house that the TV viewers haven’t met yet.

And Robb…well, does Robb even have a bridge anymore? We know he doesn’t have a home. His mother is on the run. He’s lost his Lannister captive and gained a foreign girlfriend.

So…yea. This is going to get interesting.