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Game of Thrones Season 2 Recap: Episodes

GameOfThrones_20110412171451

We are (thankfully) only a few days away from the premiere of season three for HBO’s “Game of Thrones.” While it is mostly impossible that you have forgotten the events of season 2, I have compiled a few refreshers to remind you of where we left off and prepare you for the third season.

Season 2 features the events of A Clash of Kings, the second book of the A Song of Ice and Fire novels by George R. R. Martin. When we left the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros, there was a civil war a-brewin’. The Night’s Watch decided to head north of the Wall to investigate the wildlings. In Essos, Daenerys Targaryen hasn’t given up and continues her quest to return to and conquer the Seven Kingdoms.

Here are the episodes of Season 2:

“The North Remembers”

April 1, 2012

To Cersei’s dismay, Tyrion takes up his post as acting Hand at King’s Landing. At Dragonstone, Stannis Baratheon proclaims allegiance to Melisandre’s new god and lays public claim to the Iron Throne, revealing Joffrey’s bastardy. As this news reaches the capital, the Gold Cloaks slaughter Robert’s bastards. Having won three victories, Robb Stark offers the Lannisters peace in exchange for the North’s independence, sending Theon to gain Balon Greyjoy’s support and Catelyn to seek Renly Baratheon’s. Beyond the Wall, the Night’s Watch find shelter with the Wildling Craster and his daughter-wives. In Essos, as her people slowly die in the Red Waste, Daenerys sends out riders to look for help.

“The Night Lands”                          

April 8, 2012

Returning to his home of Pyke after nine years as the Starks’ ward, Theon Greyjoy is reunited with his sister, Yara, and his father, Balon, who despises Theon for his Northern ways and intends to win back his crown by force. Cersei rejects Robb Stark’s terms and Tyrion exiles Janos Slynt, head of the Gold Cloaks, to the Wall, promoting Bronn to commander of the watch. On the road to the Wall, Arya reveals her true identity to Gendry. North of the Wall, Samwell Tarly is approached by one of Craster’s daughters, Gilly, who is pregnant and fears for her unborn child; Jon is reluctant to help her despite Sam’s pleas. In the Red Waste one of the horses returns to Daenerys with the decapitated head of its rider in a pouch, a message from one of her enemies. On Dragonstone, Davos Seaworth recruits the pirate Salladhor Saan to Stannis’s side, and Stannis has sex with Melisandre to obtain the son his wife could not give him. Jon discovers that Craster sacrifices his sons to the White Walkers.

“What Is Dead May Never Die”     

April 15, 2012

Catelyn Stark arrives at King Renly’s camp to negotiate an alliance, and the woman warrior Brienne of Tarth wins the right to join Renly’s guard. Tyrion crafts a plan to find who is in Cercei’s confidence by proposing three different marriages to the members of the Small Council. At Winterfell, Bran Stark needs help to decipher his dreams. On the road to the wall, the band of Night’s Watch recruits are attacked by Lannister soldiers.

“Garden of Bones”                         

April 22, 2012

Catelyn tries to convince the Baratheon brothers to abandon their quarrel and unite against the Lannisters, while Sansa is abused by Joffrey in revenge for her brother’s victories. Tyrion intervenes and in return, Joffrey is cruel to his “gifts”. Arya and Gendry are taken captives to the castle of Harrenhal. After her exhausting journey through the desert, Daenerys arrives at the gates of the prosperous city of Qarth. Melisandre gives birth to a shadow creature.

“The Ghost of Harrenhal”            

April 29, 2012

In Harrenhal, Arya Stark is promised help by the mysterious Jaqen H’ghar, one of the three caged prisoners during her trip to the Wall. After Renly’s sudden death at the hands of Melisandre’s shadowy assassin, Catelyn and Brienne are forced to flee from Renly’s camp. Theon sails from Pyke prepared to prove that he is a true Ironborn, with plans to overtake Winterfell while Robb is out fighting the war. The Night’s Watch arrive at an ancient fortress called the Fist of the First Men, where they intend to make a stand.

“The Old Gods and the New”        

May 6, 2012

Princess Myrcella is sent away from King’s Landing. Theon Greyjoy’s plans to take Winterfell succeed as he continues to try to prove his Ironborn status. Robb reunites with the healer Talisa. At the Fist of the First Men, the ranger Qhorin Halfhand gives Jon Snow the opportunity to prove his worth. While out on patrol, Jon takes prisoner a Wildling named Ygritte. Joffrey incites a riot at King’s Landing. At Qarth, Daenerys tries to procure a ship to take her people to Westeros. Taken in by Tywin Lannister, Arya attempts to hide that she is Ned Stark’s daughter, as Jaqen H’ghar helps her conceal her identity. Robb receives news of Theon’s plans and sends men to retake Winterfell, while inside the city there are plans to get Bran and Rickon out. Daenerys’ dragons are stolen.

“A Man Without Honor”               

May 13, 2012

Theon tries to track Bran and Rickon with hounds. After an assassination attempt, Tywin Lannister begins searching Harrenhal for his potential murderer. Ygritte continues her attempts to seduce Jon and, after a momentary lapse in Jon’s concentration, she escapes and leads him into a trap. Still shaken from the riot, Sansa is horrified when she awakens to find that she has had her first period, and can thus bear Joffrey’s children. In Robb’s camp, a failed escape attempt by Jaime leaves a guard dead, and Catelyn worries about the camp’s desire for retribution. In Qarth, the warlock Pyat Pree reveals to Daenerys that he stole her dragons, but gives her the opportunity to reunite with them before slaughtering the Council of Thirteen and establishing Xaro Xhoan Daxos as king of Qarth.

“The Prince of Winterfell”                      

May 20, 2012

Robb Stark learns that his mother Catelyn has secretly freed Jaime Lannister, now escorted by Brienne of Tarth, in order to ransom her daughters Sansa and Arya; he also enters into a romantic relationship with Talisa. Yara Greyjoy arrives at Winterfell to bring Theon back to Pyke, after his botched attempt to recapture the Stark boys. Tywin Lannister leaves Harrenhal to attack Robb, which leads Arya Stark, Gendry and Hot Pie to attempt an escape with Jaqen H’ghar’s help. In King’s Landing, Cersei Lannister attempts to blackmail Tyrion by abducting the whore, Ros, whom Cersei believes to be his secret lover. The capital prepares for assault by Stannis, who, underway to King’s Landing, promises to make Davos Seaworth his Hand of the King. Beyond the Wall, the Wildling leader “Rattleshirt” leads the captured Jon Snow and Qhorin Halfhand to his king, Mance Rayder. In Qarth, Jorah Mormont agrees to accompany Daenerys into the House of the Undying to retrieve her dragons.

“Blackwater”                                   

May 27, 2012

Stannis Baratheon’s fleet assaults King’s Landing in the Battle of Blackwater Bay. Leading the defense, Tyrion Lannister destroys many of the attacking craft with an exploding ship full of wildfire, and is forced to lead a counterattack as King Joffrey and his bodyguard Sandor Clegane each desert the battlefield. Stannis’ forces make it inside the castle, but Tyrion leads his men behind the Baratheon forces via underground tunnels and attacks. Meanwhile, Queen Regent Cersei, holed up in the fortress with Sansa Stark and the other ladies of the court, succumbs to wine and despondency as she believes the battle lost. In the nick of time, as she is about to poison her son Tommen, Tywin Lannister’s forces, joined by Loras Tyrell, the lover of Renly Baratheon, arrive to dispatch the attackers.

“Valar Morghulis”                          

June 3, 2012

The aftermath of the Battle of the Blackwater sees Joffrey set Sansa aside in favor of marrying Margaery Tyrell while Tyrion fears for his and Shae’s safety now that his father has replaced him as Hand of the King. Melisandre gives a defeated Stannis a new hope. Brienne runs into trouble while escorting Jaime to King’s Landing. Catelyn tries to convince Robb that his romance with Talisa is dangerous, but he defies her and the two are married. In Qarth, Daenerys ventures into the House of the Undying and successfully retrieves her dragons. She then seals the traitor Xaro Xhoan Daxos inside his own vault and claims his riches for herself to buy a ship. In Winterfell, Theon is betrayed by his own men in the face of an inevitable siege while Winterfell is put to the torch. Osha and Hodor sneak brothers Bran and Rickon away from the smoldering ruins and take them North toward the Wall. Arya, having escaped Harrenhal with Hot Pie and Gendry, receives the gift of a valuable coin from Jaqen. North of the Wall, Qhorin Halfhand forces Jon to kill him to prove his loyalty to the Wildlings and an army of White Walkers surrounds the Fist of the First Men

Games of Thrones Season 2 Recap: Characters

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We are (thankfully) less than a month away from the premiere of season three for HBO’s “Game of Thrones.” While it is mostly impossible that you have forgotten the events of season 2, I have compiled a few refreshers to remind you of where we left off and prepare you for the third season.

Season 2 features the events of A Clash of Kings, the second book of the A Song of Ice and Fire novels by George R. R. Martin. When we left the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros, there was a civil war a-brewin’. The Night’s Watch decided to head north of the Wall to investigate the wildlings. In Essos Daenerys Targaryen hasn’t given up and continues her quest to return to and conquer the Seven Kingdoms.

Let’s take a look at the characters and where they are on the cusp of the third season.

Note: It should go without saying that there are spoilers ahead. This is a recap of Season 2 only and assumes you have watched season 1 and/or season 2.

The Lannisters

Tyrion

Easily one of the most loved characters in the whole series even if he isn’t considered one of the “good” characters. His cunning and underdog mentality has placed him our hearts as one of those who “can make it.” Who can take the Iron Throne and rule the Seven Kingdoms relatively fairly.

When we left Tyrion, he had survived the Battle of Blackwater wounded but alive. Tyrion is betrayed and wounded by Ser Mandon Moore of the Kingsguard during the fighting. He survives thanks to the quick actions of his squire, Pod but not before taking a sword slice to the face. Once he is awakened after the battle, he is informed that he has been removed from his position as Acting Hand of the King. Tyrion remains bedridden while he heals and calls upon his only allies: his BFF Bronn, his squire Pod, and Varys. He learns that Joffrey will not be recognizing the leadership of Tyrion during the battle and that Bronn and the tribesmen have been relieved of duty.

While in a mood of self-depreciation, Varys brings Tyrion’s lover and whore, Shae, to his bed chambers. She professes her love for him, claiming it genuine and begs him to go to Pentos with her. He says that standing up to the bad people in his life, out-talking and out-thinking them, is something that he is good at and enjoys. He chooses to stay in King’s Landing and she agrees to remain with him.

Cersei

Currently acting as Queen Regent of the Seven Kingdoms as Joffrey reigns as boy king. She fears the madness of her son and worries it is her punishment for the incestuous relationship with twin brother Jaime.

During the Battle of Blackwater, Cersei provides safe refuge for the women of the court. In her midst is Sansa Stark who is both terrified and newly flowered. During the seige she drinks heavily and becomes more and more grim about her life and what will happen to the women if the battle overtakes them.

Once the battle becomes more dangerous, Cersei brings Joffrey back to the Red Keep despite protests that the fighters need to see their king among them Joffrey willingly leaves the field but his exit is a blow to the men. Right before she is about to poison Tommen when she fears the battle is over, Lord Tywin shows up and reports that the Lannisters have won. Tyrion’s role in defending the city is not acknowledged and he is left to recover from his wounds, stripped of his power. Rumors circulate that Cersei ordered the attack on Tyrion. No longer considering Tyrion a threat, Cersei releases Ros, the whore she thought was Tyrion’s lover.

After the battle, Cersei frees Sansa from the bonds of betrothal to Joffrey in favor of a more lucrative marriage to Margaery Tyrell which is well recieved by the court seemingly adding House Tyrell as an ally.

Jaime

I want more of the Brienne and Jaime show. PLEASE.

After Jaime is recaptured, Catelyn Stark releases him into the custody of Brienne of Tarth. Jaime continues to assert that even though his vows frequently conflicted with one another as well as his morals. He asserts that he has more honor than some; maintaining that Cersei is the only one he has slept with and reminds Catelyn how her husband Eddard Stark cheated on her and fathered Jon Snow. Brienne is tasked to escort Jaime to King’s Landing to exchange him for her daughters who she believes are both captured there.

Jaime, with his charming ability to dig deep into other people’s core, continually goads Brienne about her appearance, masculinity, her virginity, and her childhood in attempt to duel him for his freedom. However, after he sees her skillfully dispose of three attackers, he begins to have a newfound respect for the brutish soldier woman.

Joffrey

The next in line for the Iron Throne and betrothed to Sansa Stark for most of season 2. During his reign thus far of the Seven Kingdoms, Joffrey continually shows intense anger and ill will  towards everyone and everything. He regularly has Sansa brutalized and humiliated unless stopped by his uncle, Tyrion. He also savagely beats two whores that are bought for him and his “sexual frustration.”

In honor of Battle of Blackwater, he obtains a new sword named Hearteater. He forces Sansa to kiss the blade and wish him luck before the battle. However, when it comes time for the actual battle, he is less that courageous and is visibly relieved when he is summoned by Cersei back to the Red Keep. His cowardly exit damages the morale of the men but Tyrion is able to rally them to protect the gates from a battering ram. After the battle is over, Joffrey and Cersei decide against recognizing Tyrion’s bravery and instead rewards Tywin by naming him Savior of the City and the new Hand of the King.

He also grants a favor to House Tyrell for their aid and Ser Loras asks Joffrey to unite their houses in marriage. Joffrey balks at setting aside his betrothal to Sansa, but is easily convinced by his mother and courtiers and that the marriage to Margaery Tyrell to both wanted and allowed.

The Starks

Catelyn

Spending much of season 2 as an advisor for her son, Robb, Catelyn is both support of his goals but worried about her other children which have gone missing or are being held hostage at King’s Landing.

Catelyn successfully managing to secure an ally out of House Frey by promising a marriage of Robb to one of the Frey’s daughter. With this agreement, the army of the north is also able to gain a strategic location and continue their winning streak against the Lannister’s. However, all is thrown away when Robb decides to marry Talisa while Catelyn is away.

She also makes the decision to free Jaime Lannister and have Brienne of Tarth escort him back to King’s Landing in exchange for her daughters. She assumes both Arya and Sansa are held captive there when in reality it is only Sansa while Arya escaped. Robb is furious that Catelyn acted behind his back and orders her kept under guard. He says that Jaime has played her for a fool and that she has weakened their position.

Robb

Now known as the King of The North with a willing and supportive army, Robb Stark has begun his advancement against the Lannister’s rule. After several high-profile victories across the north, his prison cells are overflowing and Cersei is beginning to worry that they have a real opponent in Robb.

When Ser Alton returns with Cersei’s rejection of his terms he houses him with Jaime. Talisa asks him for help obtaining medical supplies and he invites her to accompany him to negotiate the surrender of the Crag, suggesting that she restock from the castle’s stores. Catelyn sends her sworn sword Brienne of Tarth to exchange Jaime for her captive daughters without consulting Robb which infuriates him as he worries that they have lost their biggest barganing tool. He forces his mother, Catelyn, to remain guarded while he devises a plan to gain more momentum.

Robb confesses his love for Talisa to Catelyn. Catelyn warns against betraying his oath to marry a daughter of House Frey. Robb rejects her counsel, and in a secret ceremony conducted by a Septon of the Faith of the Seven, he and Talisa secretly marry effectively destroying any alliance between the Starks and Freys as Catelyn warns “the Frey’s never forget and never forgive.”

Jon Snow

The bastard son of the Starks has joined the brothers in black at The Wall. However, he has to leave the safety and comfort of the Wall for the land beyond in search of several missing rangers including his uncle Benjen Stark. along with his BFF Samwell Tarly, the brothers in black move out and first come across Craster’s Keep. Where Sam falls in love with one of Craster’s Wife/daughters, Gilly.

From there, Qhorin Halfhand, Jon and the others begin tracking wildlings. After coming across a camp of wildings, a small battle ensues and Jon is faced with killing a young woman with fire-red hair named Ygritte. He hesitates to kill her and Qhorin convinces him take Ygritte captive so she may lead them to Mance Rayder, the king beyond the wall. However, Ygritte escapes and Jon tails her and recaptures her thus isolating him from the others. Throughout their time together, Ygritte makes it known her attraction to Jon and uses her sexuality to try and lower his defenses and sleep with her. He rejects her advances and their conversation becomes more tense as their journey continues.

Jon is later captured by the wildlings and is reunited with Qhorin who tells him he must go undercover in their society to learn the truth of their existence beyond the wall and their plans for conquering the seven kingdoms. Jon is forced to kill Qhorin and then is freed to join the wildlings ranks joined by Ygritte at his side.

Bran

After having Winterfell taken over by Theon Greyjoy, Bran manages to escape his home with Rickon thanks to Hodor and the willing captive , Osha. Theon tracks them briefly but when he loses their scent, he returns to Winterfell with two charred corpses claiming they belong to the young boys. Catelyn hears of this news and believes her sons to be dead.

The group flee for the Wall hoping to meet up with Jon who can protect them while Winterfell is controlled by Theon and Robb is fighting as King of the North.

Sansa

Betrothed to what she thought was her prince charming, Joffrey, Sansa spends much of season 2 held within King’s Landing subjected to the cruelty of the Lannisters. Her only protectors being Tyrion Lannister and the Hound. She also finally flowers becoming a full fledged maiden which she fears means she will have to properly wed Joffrey. Her secret is attempted to be hid by Shae, her handmaiden, however, the Hound catches them and (reluctantly) informs the Queen. Cersei gives Sansa advice on motherhood, reassuring her that she will love her children if not her husband. She tells Sansa that the more people you love, the weaker you are.

After the Battle of Blackwater, Sansa attends the court while Joffrey rewards those who helped them win. When Loras Tyrell requests that Joffrey join their houses by marrying Margaery instead, Sansa is visibly excited at the idea of getting out of King’s Landing and away from Joffrey. Joffrey says that he would be honored to return Margaery’s love, but regrets that he is promised to Sansa. Cersei suggests Joffrey set Sansa aside because of her family’s treachery. Joffrey accepts the betrothal. Joffrey states that he will “Love you from this day, until my last day” – the same endearment he once offered Sansa.

Sansa turns away, feigning sadness but allowing herself laughter once she has privacy. Her revelry is halted by Petyr consoling her; she pretends to be upset. Petyr crushes her hopes of freedom and warns her that her situation has worsened, as she will no longer have the token protection of becoming Joffrey’s queen but will remain his captive. Petyr tells her that she reminds him of her mother and vows to help her return home. Sansa is reluctant to trust him and maintains her facade

Arya

Presumed missing and/or dead by everyone other than those who encounter her, Arya accomplishes quite a lot in season 2 and aids in a war she is barely a participating member. Plus she gets to travel with Gendry which most of us are jealous about. After arriving in Harrenhal, she becomes to cupbearer to Tywin Lannister who does not recognize her as a Lady Stark.

Arguably the best part of Arya story thus far is her involvement with Jaqen H’ghar. He grants her the death of three people in exchange for the lives she saved during the raid on her caravan to the Wall. She uses Jaqen to kill Amory Lorch and the Tickler. However, she names his own name as her third unless he helps her escape. Jaqen complies and kills several guards so that Arya, Gendry, and Hot Pie can leave Harrenhal.

Jaqen reveals that he is a Faceless Man and offers to take Arya to train with him in Braavos. he declines, telling him that she needs to find her family first, including Sansa. Jaqen gives Arya a single coin, explaining that should she change her mind, she only needs to give the coin to any man from Braavos and recite the High Valyrian words “Valar Morghulis.” Jaqen changes his face to that of another man and bids a stunned Arya farewell.

OTHERS

Daenerys

In season 2, Dany finds herself in the rich and prosperous city of Qarth. She is still questing for an army that she can overtake the Iron Throne while trying to raise her newly hatched and growing dragons. However, Qarth is more dangerous than it initially appears.

Xaro is constantly vying for her attention and hand in marriage that Dany consistently rebuff. Then when she returns to her room to find that Irri is dead and Doreah and her dragons are missing, she embarks on the equivalent of a spirit quest in the House of the Undying to get the back. In the House it is revealed that the warlock, Pyat Pree stole the dragons and that Xaro intended to seize control of the city.  The warlock uses his magic to murder the rest of the Thirteen. He repeats his invitation to Daenerys, telling her that her children are at the House of the Undying. Having overcome the temptation she finds herself held captive by Pyat Pree. He tells her that he plans to keep her with her dragons because they increase his power. She tells her dragons to breathe flame at him, using the command that she taught them. With the warlock roasted alive, they are able to escape his tower.

Daenerys returns to Xaro’s home to confront him for his treachery and finds him in bed with Doreah. Hurt from the betrayal, Daenerys takes them to his vault, which proves to be empty, and locks them inside to die. She salvages enough valuables to buy a ship from amongst his possessions.

An underlying motif of Dany’s storyline is Jorah’s incredibly obvious love for the young queen. He barely tries to hide his intentions yet Daenerys is careful to pretend they don’t exist or is able to be blissfully unaware.

Peter “Littlefinger” Baelish

Peter’s intentions and his overall game is never fully revealed. He is smart, he is witty, and above all he is cunning. He has his littlefinger in everyones wallet and is able to get (almost) everything he wants. His only rival maybe being Tyion though that is debatable.

In season 2, Littlefinger is effectively trying to gain as much as possible. He is made Lord of Harrenhal after the Battle of Blackwater and takes his interest in Sansa to the next level when her betrothal is broken. He ells her that she reminds him of Catelyn and offers to take her home to Winterfell but she is reluctant to trust him.

Littlefinger is also responsible for setting up the prisoner exchange between Cat and the Lannisters, using his history with her to persuade her that she will get BOTH her daughters back despite knowing that Arya is missing.

Theon Greyjoy

The epitome of daddy issues in an accurate description of Theon. After returning to Pyke and leaving the Starks behind, Theon is putoff to say the least that his sister has become a war leader and more respected by their father.

In an attempt to aid his father’s bid for the Iron Throne, Theon returns to Winterfell where he seizes the castle despite having grown as brothers with the Stark children. He admits that all he truly wanted was a family and that he didn’t fit in with the Starks or the his own family. After he ransacks the castle and loses the Stark boys, Bran and Rickon, Theon hangs two charred bodies and claims them as the boys. This spreads the rumor that the children are dead across the Seven Kingdoms and The Wall.

Maester Luwin says that he knows that Theon is not the ruthless man he has been pretending to be. He suggests that Theon flee to the Wall and join the Night’s Watch to save his life and attempt to redeem himself. Theon refuses to deviate from the course he has set, it is to late he says as he has gone too far down this course for him to ever pretend to be anyone else. He readies his men for glorious death in battle. He gives a rousing speech but is betrayed and knocked out by Dagmer, who plans to turn him over to the northern forces so the rest of them can go home. Luwin attempts to aid Theon but is stabbed in the abdomen by Dagmer, who then has Theon dragged away with his head covered by a cloth bag.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Blu-ray Combo Pack Giveaway

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey was one of the hottest movies to release last year and the beginning of a much-anticipated trilogy. Optionated is excited to offer a brand new giveaway that will give you the chance to win the Blu-ray combo pack of the film.

About the film:

J.R.R. Tolkien’s epic adventure follows the journey of Bilbo Baggins, who is swept into an amazing quest to reclaim the lost Dwarf Kingdom of Erebor from the fearsome dragon Smaug. Approached out of the blue by the wizard Gandalf the Grey, Bilbo finds himself joining a company of thirteen dwarves led by the legendary warrior, Thorin Oakenshield. Their journey will take them into the Wild; through treacherous lands swarming with Goblins and Orcs, deadly Wargs and Sorcerers. From Academy Award®-winning filmmaker Peter Jackson comes “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey,” the first of a trilogy of films adapting the enduringly popular masterpiece The Hobbit, by J.R.R. Tolkien.

What you get:

One winner will receive a copy of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Blu-ray Combo Pack.

How to enter:

Take the Are You 100% Hobbit Quiz below and send an email with you name and results from the Are You 100% Hobbit Quiz to Contest@bsckids.com. Please make the title The Hobbit so we know which contest you are entering. If you follow us on Twitter (@Optionated_) or Facebook you get two chances to win, just make sure you include the name you follow us under in the entry email. We will be announcing winners on April 1st! Good Luck!

*You must be 18 years or older to participate. Giveaway is open to residents of US only. 

The Best Animated Movies for Kids

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Through moving illustrations and computer-generated images, animators create movie magic that stirs the heart and soul. Animation surpasses the limits of live action film and offers an integral function in galvanizing a child’s imagination. Here are some of the most creative and innovative animated movies of recent memory.

Cars

A tale of anthropomorphic automotives, Pixar’s “Cars” tells the story of rookie racer Lightning McQueen and his efforts to travel to California to win a tiebreaker race. When McQueen takes an unintentional detour into the antiquated town of Radiator Springs, his chance to win the gold cup seems to have disappeared in a puff of exhaust fumes. Fortunately for the determined race car, he meets an eclectic crew of vehicles to help him arrive at his destination. The film is an animated love letter to cars and features animated equivalents to the Plymouth Superbird, Hudson Hornet and Porsche 911 Carrera among others. The race cars of the Piston Cup are all equipped with new Goodyear tires, or “Lightyear” tires as they’re called in the film.

WALL-E

Centuries into the future, Earth has been transformed into a planetary landfill. Robots, like WALL-E, are left to sort out the worldwide mess, while humanity becomes morbidly obese after flocking to space. WALL-E is soon joined by EVE who is searching for sparse signs of vegetation, and a story of robotic romance ensues. For two lead mechanical characters that communicate wordlessly, they are both astonishingly relatable and human-like. This animated film is no mere children’s movie, but an undeniable science-fiction masterpiece displaying the dangers of rampant consumerism, over reliance on technology and environmental apathy.

Shrek

Everyone’s favorite Scottish ogre challenged animation powerhouse Disney with the release of “Shrek” in 2001. When Shrek’s swamp home is overrun by fairytale creatures, the not-so-jolly green giant and a garrulous donkey must stop the lord who is responsible for their displacement. The film successfully parodies fairy tale classics, and places Shrek in the unlikely shoes of a charming hero archetype to save the beautiful princess—who coincidentally plans to marry the villainous lord.

Fantastic Mr. Fox

Wes Anderson brilliantly adapts Roald Dahl’s classic children’s book into a stop-motion spectacle. Unable to control his larcenous nature, the dashing Mr. Fox brews up a plan to rob the nefarious farming trio of Boggis, Bunce and Bean which places his fellow animal kingdom in peril. The comic caper features impressive animation, an A-list cast of voice actors and is steeped in Anderson’s characteristic charm and quirkiness.

Toy Story

“Toy Story” is the film that launched CGI-animated movies and placed Pixar firmly on the map. You should know the story by now: a group of toys inconspicuously live out their lives under their child owner Andy’s nose. Cowboy Woody’s status as “number one toy” is threatened when space-age action figure, Buzz Lightyear, arrives at Andy’s birthday. When a sadistic toy torturing neighbor jeopardizes Andy’s toys, Buzz and Woody must overcome their rivalry and live to be played another day.

This guest post was written by Tiffany Smith.

Tiffany is a writer, editor and artist from San Franscisco.

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Beautiful Creatures Might Make You Grumpy As It Fails To Exceed Expectations – Review

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Directed by Richard LaGravenese

Adapted from the novel by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl

Why are you interested in this adaptation?

Elena-

Oh, man, so many reasons. Probably mostly because it looks like it will be epic to make fun of, and Rachel and I have been stymied on all attempts to find anything to truly laugh at since Twilight Part Call Me, Lee Pace.  So here we finally find the same genre (young adult paranormal romance) and questionable effects just from the previews (though at least no one sparkles) and the same sort of overblown life or death or end of the world! theme except, oh wait, it’s just a shitty small town no one gives a shit about where nothing ever happens.  Beyond the mockery fodder, I can’t lie, it looks like it might be sort of interesting to the teenage Elena who still comes out sometimes. I mean, it’s Southern Gothic, about some kid who hates living in a small town and wants to leave. I can totally relate to that!  And Emma Thompson is in it. She can be relied upon to either lend appropriate gravitas or be the best part of the wackiness.  The only actress I’d be more excited about seeing in an adult role here is Helena Bonham Carter.

So, if I’m being honest, I expect this to be terrible but in a way that actually kind of appeals to me.  There. I said it. I’d rather watch Southern Gothic witch drama this month than zombie romance.

Rachel-

I’m coming at this from a different place. I actually sat through the Beautiful Creatures panel at NYCC last fall and let me tell you, it was a train wreck. Sandwiched between a bunch of horror panels and before The Walking Dead, the audience was not into it. (Except for this one guy who yelled out, “I LOVE YOU EMMY!” every 2 minutes. We all hated him.) The cast was pretty lackluster in their answers. They didn’t seem very chummy or excited about the film they had made. Only Emmy Rossum seemed to have read all the books. But I had a friend with me who had read the books and said I should read them before judging the film. I figured it would probably be best to read the book because the trailer had already established this as a film full of one of my biggest pet peeves – totally inaccurate southern accents.

And that is what I have tried to do, dear readers. I read the damn book. It was awful. IT WAS SO AWFUL. Full disclosure – I am also coming at this film from the perspective of a girl who went to high school in South Carolina. I can’t even begin to eviscerate the novel for all the stereotypes it reinforces. I think it fancies itself some kind of To Kill a Mockingbird homage, except that’s like calling a dump I took an homage to Moby Dick.

I am interested in this movie because I want to know why that guy from NYCC loves Emmy Rossum so much.

Elena-

Ooh, ooh, I can answer that one! Emmy Rossum is slowly revealing herself as an actual nerd with a string of well-chosen (er…mostly well-chosen) roles in SF/Fantasy movies. You don’t take roles in multiple adaptations of time-travel stories without being somewhat of a genre fan.

What will make it suck?

Elena-

Uh…if the effects in the commercial weren’t just whipped up before post-production to advertise, and are actually what the film looks like.  If there are terrible Southern accents everywhere.  If it presents a totally false sense of how important the events are in the scheme of the world. If what drives someone in this family to the dark side is as lame as what Lucas tried to tell us drove Anakin.

Basically…if it moves.  I mean, come on.  You’ve seen the trailer, right?  How can it not?

Rachel-

I think my eyes looking at it will make it suck. You guys, the accents alone should be a red alert for you. But I know that there are lots of book fans excited about this film, and so I will try to approach the film with that in mind.

It will suck if they leave out Boo Radley the dog. Or Ethan’s weirdo aunts. Or all the obviously unresolved issues Ethan has with his mother.

What will make it awesome?

Elena

This movie might actually be awesome if it captures the sort of over-dramatic gothy impossible love story well.  I am a sucker for a good forbidden love, and I don’t necessarily mind intentionally overblown plot elements if the whole is something that resonates with me and looks good en totale.  I mean…it’s witches in a swamp who tromp around in ball gowns and too much eyeliner.  I am not sure I need to explain further why it has potential.

Rachel-

Despite the accents the movie COULD get HS in SC right. It has a chance of resonating with me since I, too, was the weird new girl once. I hope they go for some quip-y humor and not take itself as seriously as the book. We’re dealing with really dramatic, obvious storylines and super powers and pretty much every witch cliché you’ve seen on the Vampire Diaries plus some voodoo. It could be cray.

Additional thoughts on casting/production?

Elena-

Honestly?  The adults here are what really made me want to see this movie. I’m not sure that Jeremy Irons, Emma Thompson, and Viola Davis can make something truly awful even if they try.

I don’t recognize any of the teenagers, which is probably a good thing.

I know it was filmed in Louisiana, in part around New Orleans, so that always offers me a fun game of Name That Plantation.

I have not read the book yet, though I did download a Kindle copy to read.  I thought about starting it (or finishing it) before going to see the movie, but then I thought…no.  I’m going to see what the movie does on its own two feet, and save the book to read after to see if it is (1) any better as a story than what the movie presents to me and (2) see if it explains things better than the movie does, if I am left with questions after I walk out of the theater.  Unless, of course, I hate everything about the movie, in which case, I dunno, maybe I will return it with a “did not mean to purchase” excuse.

Rachel-

WHY are all these people in this film? Jeremy Irons? Emma Thompson? Viola Davis? I don’t…? Why would…? Huh? Did they lose a bet? Did they sign papers while drunk at the Golden Globes? DOES ANYONE KNOW? Even Emmy Rossum in a relatively bit part doesn’t make any freaking sense to me!

Reaction to film?

Elena:

Pretty much exactly what I expected.  The teenagers cleaning up the theater as I walked out asked me if I liked it, and that was what I said.  “Did you read the book?”  “Nope.”  They were in the midst of exclaiming how retarded it is to see the movie without reading the book first when I went through the doors.  Well, kids, it’s like this…when you get older, and your life is a little busier, sometimes you prefer to get a sense of the material with only two hours of your life wasted as opposed to the six or eight (or twenty, if it’s GRRM) it would take to read the book.  Also, sometimes you just want to take the film as its own entity.  You know, like film critics do.

So, checklist:  Effects – obvious CG.  Filming – not creative.  Editing – nothing to notice, therefore shitty by way of being merely serviceable in a film whose cinematography is merely serviceable.  Storyboarding – inefficient. How the F was the movie 3 hours? (Was it 3? Or did it just feel like it?)  Setting – not a bad depiction of the South, although it felt more like Louisiana than SC….  Acting – way better than Twilight, so that might count as a positive.  Concept – as engaging as I expected, which is to say, I was hooked. I just wish the overall experience lived up to it. Story – kind of confusing and unexplained and full of coincidences that made all of it feel sort of half-cocked.

That said, nuts and bolts.

Can we get this out of the way first:  What. The. Fuck. Was. Up. With. The. Accents.  Oh my God.  Rachel told me she didn’t hear an authentic SC swamp drawl among them.  Was…there an authentic Southern accent among them?  I did enjoy Jeremy Irons pronouncing Lena like it was a shortening of my name, with the long A; that felt…legit.  At the very least it was a truly unexpected affectation, and his character was such a creature of affectation that it worked for me.  Otherwise, it felt like they were all over the map with every character having a different sound, which maybe made sense for Lena’s family but not really for the townfolk.  The main guy?  Jesus Christ.  He sounded like he was half-retarded.

Also am I the only one who didn’t find him all that cute?  Like…I sort of think I know what they were going for, that young Johnny Depp broody cheekbone look, but it didn’t work for me.  His friend was 10x hotter and cooler and funnier.  So it was either really terrible casting decision or really brilliant casting.  I mean, does the weird Goth chick who moves into town *actually* go for that guy as he was cast if it’s not destiny?

And by the way…why was every person in their class good-looking?  Y’all.  Have ya been to the rural South?  NEVER HAPPENS.

Speaking of the townfolk…HAVE EITHER OF THE PEOPLE WHO WROTE THIS BOOK (OR MAYBE JUST THIS SCRIPT) EVER BEEN TO THE RURAL SOUTH?  This felt soooooooooooooooo coastal projection of what they think small Southern towns are like.  The depiction here felt beyond over the top.  Like the town and everyone in it was a plot device, not an actual peek into what a town like that really is.  (If you want one, by the way, go watch Bernie.)  Although this set-up DID feel remarkably similar to what Rachel said happened to her when she moved south of the MD. IS THIS HOW IT HAPPENED, RACHEL?  IS THERE SOMETHING YOU NEED TO TELL ME?

Okay, story.  So she and the boy are fated to meet and fall in love?  Why then was his mother BFF’s with her black-magic uncle?  And his mother’s BFF just happens to be the librarian for the witches?  I mean, I guess those family connections explain his ability to just take that kind of discovery in stride, but unless the connection between her uncle and his mother had something to do with why she and he were so drawn to each other, it’s kind of an uncomfortable coincidence.

It was also a total cop-out on the part of the authors for her to not be claimed for one side or the other after that being set up as a fundamental rule of the world.  Unless the curse itself was why the family members got claimed for one side or the other, but if that was the case that causation was really poorly drawn.  But for her to just be like “oh, hey, yeah, I’m not gonna do that” is kind of ridiculous.  Don’t we think other family members have tried that?  Don’t we think every person has a measure of both light and dark in their hearts, such that very few people could ever be claimed for one side or the other?  I can’t believe everyone in her family was so polarized that she was the first who fought a claim.  Also, her uncle proved that dark doesn’t mean evil, since he was obviously principled and loving and spent his time hanging out with the light side of the family.

I also didn’t get much sense of the actual natures of the light and dark here.  I kind of got the impression that “dark” was more chaos than evil?  It seemed like when she was going “dark” it was letting her anger rule her (cough * Star Wars * cough) and acting on it, but, come on.  Anger is not intrinsically evil.  You can have a righteous anger.  I would have liked a better explanation about what was actually involved in being light or being dark.  All I got was that light meant throwing boring dinner parties and dark meant killing cops running speed traps.  (And the problem is…?)

Speaking of Star Wars – “Lena, I am your mother” = bahahahahahaha.

Speaking of cop-outs…all that had to happen to break the curse was someone she loved had to die?  I…am not sure that’s really how magic and curses work.  Seems more like it would need to be a mortal lover who died and didn’t get resurrected in order to complete that loop, you know?

Overall this movie just kind of made me grumpy.  I was engaged by the set-up against my will (damn those Romeo & Juliet stories), once I got over the hero’s speech impediment and the shitty effects, so I really hoped the story would make up for those deficiencies.  I wanted it to Exceed Expectations.  This movie (and the story) did not achieve an E.  It didn’t even get an O.  Such a missed opportunity.  But at least there were no vampires. Or zombies.

Rachel-

Confession. I watched this movie hammered.

I brought some good ol’ South Carolina Firefly sweet tea vodka.

Elena-

OMG that shit’s the bessssssssssst

Rachel-

Right?

Figured I would drink whenever I had the urge to roll my eyes out of my head. I was done with that halfway through the film.

Bless my drunk little heart.

For one –  WHY did Ethan sound like Forrest Gump? WHY? It. Was. Distracting. Is that the best southern accent that poor boy could do? Not to mention every other cast member was doing their best (but sadly terrible) Texan or Alabama drawl. Not even a Georgia accent was heard! Emma Thompson might have come closest (and I, too, appreciated Jeremy Iron’s, “Leeeyyna”) but dayuuum. Not a person involved with the dialect coaching (ok, fess up. There wasn’t a dialect coach) even bothered to Google the Accent tags on Youtube for Christ’s sake!

When I wasn’t twitching at all the terrible accents, I was bothered by the way this whole Confederate/Civil War/ Black people in service positions shit was going down. I had a huge issue with this in the novel, as well. Pretty much the only “educated” black person in the novel is a character that they cut out of the movie (and merged with Amma the housekeeper). But even that character was a woman without much power of her own who was bound to serve anyone who asked (she was the librarian and research partner of Ethan’s mother. Who despite being described as dressing like a Professor spent all her time alone, being crazy at the Gatlin Library).

Elena-

Correction.  She is not the only educated black person; she is the only black person in town other than Ammie. At least the movie tried to put more in at school.  Again…have you been to the South?….

Rachel-

Then there’s this total appropriation of the Gullah people in the character of Amma, who raised all the Wate boys, cooked their breakfasts, did their laundry and sometimes performed voodoo rituals in the swamp with no shirt on while old crusty white plantation owners yelled at them.

ARE. YOU. FUCKING. KIDDING. ME.???????

Yes. There are people that do Civil War reenactments. Yes, there are plantation tours. Yes, there are even white people who still have black nannies. But the responsible way of using these details in your YA paranormal romance novel is to not just relegate issues of social justice, slavery and the highly contentious subject of the Civil War as tropes to further your sad, special snowflake characters towards their inevitable (or not) copulation.

Or whatever.

ARGH.

I’m just…argh. There are A LOT of things about the South that I hated (thus my current residence of NYC), but there are some great things. The hypocrisy and duality of the Confederate South is the most interesting part. These authors, whose educations should frankly have prevented them from participating in such rank cliché, have done nothing to give the place that their story lives in any character at all. If you can’t make a place a pivotal character in your story…you should start over. The filmmakers tried. Oh, did they try. They used New Orleans as the best swampy, Savannah-like recreation of a town outside Charleston that they could, but I think there was more character in the inaccurate as hell flashbacks.

What an exercise is self-torture was reading this book and then watching the movie. Sorry guys, I tried. But that there… that was crap.

And now the part wherein Elena and Rachel talk themselves out of liking it even a little bit in a series of chats:

On Setting:

Rachel: what am i doing?

Elena: existentially? or literally

Rachel: Gatlin sucks. lets burn it down

Elena: yes. Please. the sign fire accidentally took out the whole town of implausibly restored mansions. oops

BURN IT OFF THE MAP

MY ENEMIES LIE IN ASHES

Rachel: Team Sherman

Elena: also i love how they thought plantations were like, right next to each other

Rachel: omg that is so annoying. Like houses in the suburbs!

Elena: some of them where long and narrow but most of the time, the neighbor’s a mile or two away. there is no running from house to house watching them all burn!

Rachel: It’s like they forgot about the plantation part they think it’s just a style of house

Elena: especially not in fucking hoop skirts

Rachel super small town SC is hell. and it certainly doesnt have any freaking colonial mansions and an unused library and a halfway decent school and a population rich enough to do elaborate town wide battle recreations for tourists. blegh.

On the voodoo thing:

Elena: the more i think about the voodoo thing, the more i think THEY think it’s like…a folklore thing. like it doesn’t really exist and maybe never really did.

Rachel: Oh yes. That shit was just.. insulting to voodoo in general. And Gullah people in particular. am i being a weird white person about all the voodoo service characters and their deeply held love for their oppressors/employers?

Elena: i too am really bothered by the voodoo thing. mostly bc any self-respecting Voudon priestess has way better things to do than clean up after idiot white people.

On Plot:

Elena: i kind of want to go off on a rant about how giving your kids ALL the information is the best way to keep them from doing stupid shit that you otherwise have to kill yourself to keep from being a disaster. like, kids aren’t stupid. give them info and expect them to be responsible, and most of em will be. those that aren’t, well, that’s what the darwin awards are for.

Rachel: i was super annoyed pretty much all the time while reading the book. all the characters were.. actively passive? they knew shit was stupid and lame but they just let it happen… for no discernible reason other than the authors wanted it that way.

Elena: what did we learn from mythology? prophecies only become fulfilled when you try to hide them. oedipus would never have done what he did if his foster father was like “son, you aren’t my real son. there’s some crazy prophecy about you killing your father and marrying your own mother, so why don’t we do this: set you up with a nice younger woman whose birth age we can verify, and you just kick it here with us and take over my throne when i die of natural causes. Deal?” Aaand the prophecy is thusly avoided.

Rachel: oh yea. the whole “we didnt tell you all this incredibly relevant information for your own good” shit is NEVER GOOD. its always just evidence of a bad book. look at buffy (perfect example that she is). giles keeps the whole “the master will kill you” prophecy from her. shit.. does not get done. she finds out. is emotionally scarred and hurt and betrayed. but hey.. ya know what else that KNOWLEDGE helps her do? KILL THE FUCKING MASTER.

Team Eve, bitches. Adam can go die. 

On comparing the book to the film:

Rachel: im thinking the film ending.. was dumb?

Elena: um, god. in comparison to the book the whole erasing his memory made no sense. it was all about making her more likeable as a character

Rachel: it made all this nonsense about the claiming make even less sense than it did in the book

Elena: bc in the book, her angsty teen “even though this totally cost my greatx3 mother her soul it will work for me!” was retarded. it was a little more clear in the book that the no-choice claiming was because of the curse which i am not sure they really lifted?

so i can’t see how the movie sequels (if there are any) don’t diverge wildly

Rachel: yea my friend that has read the entire series said that the film ending basically makes it impossible to continue the series. which i assume revolves around the curse and ethan’s mother’s involvement with these casters. and what happened to seraphine

Rachel: they really sat down and wrote cheasy YA tropes down on pieces of paper

me: yes

Rachel: and drew them from a hat whenever they got bored

me: over lunch, no less. i guess they took the same farland course stephenie meyer did, about how to write the best selling YA book ever

impossible love!

whiny self absorbed heroine!

abercrombie model hero!

did we say impossible? we meant you die if you have sex

bahahhahaha

facepalm

Rachel: as for the movie – i keep picturing emma thompson flouncing around in her ruffles doing that weirdly young sounding american accent. FREAAAAK. love her. she was drunk, right?