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Playing The Game of Thrones With Season 2 Ep: 7 – A Review

“A Man Without Honor”

Elena: Theon is a dick. What the heck is going on in Winterfell?

Rachel: It’s times like these I like to sit back and watch the tweets roll by. “I hate Theon.” “OMG THEON IS AN EPIC DICK.” Etc., etc. It’s like Theon is the new Joffrey. Excuse me while I put my hipster glasses on.

He’s mean to old people, children, crippled children, women… probably his horse.

Alfie continues to play enigmatic douche extremely well. It’s not like Joffrey where you think, “This guy fucking sucks. When will he die.” With Theon it is more complicated. We see and understand his struggle to be accepted. His choices are driven by a pathetic need to become the son he always wanted to be. It’s sad to watch him fail and have stupid ideas.

Until he kills two little boys so he can lie to Maester Luwin, then you don’t feel any pity for him anymore.

What? This is not a spoiler. You knew this. ELENA, YOU FIGURED IT OUT RIGHT? You’ll be fine.

Elena: Yes, it was totally obvious that those were not Bran and Rickon. Because (1) no burned direwolves, (2) no burned simple giant, (3) the only credible eyewitness was sent home, and (4) everyone in Westeros knows you spike heads on the gate for positive identification. So, yes, WE’RE FINE WITH THIS CONFIRMATION.

Rachel: Actually, having never even met the two little boys, I’m kind of “meh” about it. This just didn’t have the impact it should have had on me. I guess I’m just not a “kid person”?

#TeamTheon ?

Hahahahaha. Kidding.

As to the whereabouts of Hodor and company, well your guess is as good as mine since HBO has gone and changed stuff again. I can make educated guesses. But I’m not telling YOU.

Elena: Yeah, the killing of the two random peasant boys was more a horror in the abstract than any emotional impact. I actually think HBO might have been better served to show Theon slaughtering them if the aim was an emotional shock, since it was so obvious that wasn’t Bran and Rickon dead.

Yeah, showing him actually cutting down two little boys while their mother looked on and screamed would have caused a reaction, versus a vague disappointment that HBO thought his trick would work on the audience the way it apparently worked on the people of Winterfell.

What I came away wondering was…what’s the point, exactly? Like I’m not sure what he’s really seeking to get out of this ploy. Killing the last two Winterfell heirs (since they seem to believe he really did) isn’t exactly going to make the people there more loyal to you, Theon. You think taking Bran and Rickon from them will leave them with nothing to fight for and therefore no will to fight? Hahahahahaha, Theon, Theon, Theon. This is The North. You just took away the only thing they had to lose and therefore the only thing keeping them in check. You had best start cooking your own meals, son, because Cook’s affection for Bran and Rickon and desire to keep them safe will no longer keep her from dumping as many poisons (or just rotted pieces of meat) into your stewpot as she can find, if she thinks they’re dead by your hand. And, obviously, his men know it wasn’t really them.

I guess the point was to keep from losing even more face that he’s such an inadequate conqueror he can’t even hold two little boys, one of them a cripple, prisoner? Ouch. Okay, maybe I do see why he did it.

Also I figured out why Osha fucked him—it was a preemptive revenge fuck, so that he would look like even more of a wet-behind-the-ears Ethelred the Unready type when it was discovered she banged him to sleep and then walked out…because everyone who hears that story knows she could have killed him in his sleep, but scorned to because she found him such an inadequate foe.

Theon the Inadequate. That is his moniker.

Elena: So speaking of conquerors who are more than adequate…what is going on in Robb’s camp? I find myself agreeing with Catelyn. Is the world ending?

Rachel: Probably. It IS 2012. But as far as Game of Thrones is concerned – Cat is the only person trying to avoid a fight over at Camp Robb. Robb’s gone on some bogus bandage errand with “Talisa” (Level Headed Cat says, “Yea…Talisa, whatever”), and Jaime is killing his relatives and that other random guy who turns out to be a Karstark and now the Karstarks are super pissed.

It’s a shit show, really, and I do not envy her.

Rahcel: But … well, how DO you feel about that Jaime scene? Before I go and crap all over it?

Elena: That Jaime scene was kind of awesome. In a horrible sort of way.

First, it proved that Joffrey is, truly, his father’s son. (And his mother’s, since Joffrey is the perfect blend of Jaime’s antisocial psychosis and Cersei’s single-minded selfishness.) Jaime is an absolute sociopath. He’s Iago—a man who can smile and smile and be a villain. I bought his story right along with random Lannister cousin who looks like Gendry. At first I felt sad that Jaime the Golden didn’t remember the kid, but then he totally seemed to, and they were like bonding and having this great moment in the cage and being proud Lannister men together…and then Jaime cracks his neck for no better purpose than to stretch his legs and take a shit in the woods somewhere. And I realized that Jaime never remembered the kid, or that day. He was making shit up. His first answer, the bemused “I was at her wedding?” was the truth. He was so sopping drunk he didn’t remember going! Or winning the tourney, much less his little cousin squire who was probably far, far, far from The Bestest Squire Evah.

But that scene was powerful because it sort of clues you in to just how well Jaime hides his nature. He can bring you in. He can make you trust him. He is an inspiring figure, and he’s right—he does kill people very, very well. He just pretties up his bloodlust a little better than, say, the Hound and the Mountain do. I mean, that line, “He was a painter, who painted only in red,” was totally poetic.

I want to see a Jaime/Jaqen H’ghar cage match. The two men in Westeros who are amazing at killing people but can actually manage to hide that about themselves!

Elena: Okay, so what did YOU think about it, Rachel?

Rachel: As with a lot of the altered but important scenes in the show, I find myself having to decide whether or not I’m OK with what they’ve done. Not that the writing choices haven’t played up the drama and made for riveting television, it’s just that most of the changes they have made come at the expense of established character behavior. That is the root of most of the complaints I’ve heard about the show in general, by the way, that choices were made that do not accurately reflect a character.

So… back to my point. There were absolutely great moments in the Jaime scene. The vow speech was lifted straight from the book, “They make you swear and swear….” Great. Awesome. Fake Gendry Lannister also doesn’t bother me. He serves a purpose the producers deemed a Frey would be too confusing to the audience to fill. FINE. But when Jaime murders his own family (haven’t we heard Tywin lecture extensively on the importance of being a Lannister?), I kind of lost my mind. I knew it was coming, but I just don’t get it. I don’t know where the writers are ultimately taking Jaime’s character, as I am not the writers. I understand and support the idea that in adapting a novel for television that changes must and should be made. Jaime might end up in a place that is different from what I expect. In every way I thought the scene was great, if a bit long, except for the killing of the Lannister cousin. Kind of weird. Jaime is desperate, sure. Jaime is dismissive of his father’s teachings. Jaime is pissed off and figures he’s going to die soon. Jaime just wanted to go for a stroll one last time. Jaime is an asshole. All of these things are true.

So maybe I’ll get over it, and accept that Jaime Lannister just killed another Lannister. I’ll accept it and remember it for later. Because of reasons.

This episode was full of Lannister family time. Cersei has a heart to heart after Sansa (Your Period is Coming) flowers and freaks out at the prospect of actually having to marry the monster, Joffrey. Oh, girl…I feel for you. Looks like the Hound’s words are even MORE pertinent. Shae trying to be a friend was pretty hilarious. As if that maid she unsuccessfully threatened wasn’t running STRAIGHT to the Queen. Moot, since the Hound got there first. Kind of embarrassing having half the castle come into your room to gaze at your menstrual blood. Sansa will have to construct her dignity carefully at this point.

Cersei pretty much admitting that she knows Joffrey is a fucking psychopath was great. “Maybe this is our punishment” she says to Tyrion. While Tyrion thinks, “did you not just threaten to take away all that I love a few days ago? There, there sister. Let me go get Lancel for you because, yes, your son is horrible, and, yes, it is probably your fault. But uh… the other two kids are totally NORMAL.” Also, sad to hear Tyrion compare the children to flipped coins, you know there’s a bit of , “and I got the dwarf coin” mixed in there, but Cersei being as self-absorbed and unfeeling towards others that she is…can only think of her own pain. Don’t fall for it, Tyrion!

Elena: Can I just insert how much I loved the Hound’s comment to Sansa in the hallway? “You’ll be grateful for the brutal things I do when I am the only thing standing between you and your beloved king.”

TRUTH. Although I wondered…how, exactly, is the Hound going to be standing between them? Like is Joffrey going to have The Hound in the bedroom with him while he’s impregnating her? As if he were an actual dog? Oh, God, how does Sansa rescue her dignity from THAT?

Also, I love how at this point EVERYONE JUST FUCKING KNOWS that Joffrey is crazy. When do the assassination plots start?! I mean, look, I get that Cersei won’t agree to killing him because she loves him, and Tyrion probably wouldn’t sign off on it either, because the kid’s family (but under the right circumstances I think Tyrion could be convinced to kill his beloved brother’s beloved son)…but everyone else in the Red Keep? Where’s Varys with a death plot when you need him? Duuuude. COME ON. You were Johnny on the spot with sending out that execution hit on Dany. Surely you can make a little magic happen and get Joffrey out of everyone’s way. Then the normal one can be named the king, Cersei can be the queen regent for even longer, and no one in King’s Landing will have some horrible, mad child making shit more complicated than it needs to be while, oh yeah, they’re fighting a war against three different insurgents. Unless, of course, Lysa Arryn shows up with Robin and declares HIM the true and proper king, which…no. So, yeah, Tommyn For King!

Elena: Speaking of Lannisters, Tywin and Arya named dropped a bunch of people with names I can’t even begin to spell. Who are they and should I be marking the names for later reference?

Rachel: You didn’t like your little history lesson? A clever way of reminding us that when Dany screams at people that she will burn them…WELL, SHE MEANS IT. Just look at Harrenhal, that tower of fun!

Even more exciting than watching Arya prove to Tywin that she is, indeed, a noble girl who could be a very useful hostage if Tywin can ever figure out exactly which Northern house she belongs to (ha): Tywin mentioning Jonquil. At least it was exciting to me. Like the LOTR novels (though…not as lovely) the songs and meta-histories of ASOIAF have not made it to the screen (I’m still holding out for the Bear and the Maiden Fair…and a certain song about rain). Book reader shout out? MAYBE MORE? We. Shall. See.

Elena: Like Locke Lamora, Arya has no circumspection. She’s too smart for her own good, and so convinced of her own cleverness she doesn’t even realize what Tywin means by that. Yes, she came up with enough of a cover story that he didn’t feel the need to expose her lies…but she has already exposed everything that she is. She’s educated, she’s secure enough to look Tywin Fucking Lannister in the eye every time she addresses him, confident enough to argue with him and debate with him, and smart enough to keep track of her lies and render plausible scenarios. All of that adds up to Someone’s daughter. As Rachel pointed out, Tywin is just keeping her in his pocket until the time he figures out whose daughter she is, at which point he returns her for more favors and gratitude from a Lannister ally or ransoms her/keeps her as a hostage to his enemy’s good behavior. I am super-excited to see where her story goes from here!

Elena: And in other stories I’m excited about…Jon and Ygritte are up to pretty much the same stuff as last week, except even funnier.

Rachel: This is why I love Ygritte. She just says what you want to say to Jon. She is the tumblr of Westeros. She goes there. Some complaints have been lodged as to how stupid Jon looks with the changes the writers made to compress several events into one. I kind of agree? Jon isn’t THIS dumb. It all depends on how the capture works out, I guess. Can’t really talk about my guess as to how it will work out without spoiling. Sorry! Next week.

Really all I want to say is I almost had a heart attack every time Ygritte said anything because I knew “You know nothing Jon Snow” was coming and I COULD NOT STAND IT. I just wanted to scream it at the TV. I’m sure it won’t be the last time she says it. It better not. Girl says it about 500 times in the book. To the point where it wasn’t even funny anymore. I want the TV viewers to have the phrase jammed into the brains in much the same fashion. It’s only fair!

Elena: I feel so sorry for Jon Snow Who Thinks He Knows Where to Put It. It’s not fun to get called stupid all the time. Although in this case Ygritte is just calling him ignorant, which is different. She just says it in a way that means stupid for not seeing the world. But…he’s still operating from within the philosophical framework he was raised in. So is she. She would be just as lost at Winterfell as he is there North of The Wall.

At the same time I feel bad for a kid still in the process of growing up…I look forward to the day when Jon Snow becomes his own man and breaks out of the thought process of what is expected of him by everyone else…basically when he stops being such a reactionary and becomes agent of his own destiny. Coming of Age stories are so tedious. How many times does he have to see the world is not as he always thought it before he extrapolates that maybe he should question EVERYTHING? At this rate Sansa is learning faster than he is!

Elena: The Twitter swears, they were for the Dany stuff?

Rachel: I…have no idea WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN QARTH! Dany’s dragons stolen? Xaro is King of Qarth? Pyat Pree just murdered the rest of the Thirteen? (SIMULTANEOUSLY? AHHHHH THAT WAS SO CRAZY!)

Fuck if I know. For serious. All I know is this is all leading to the House of the Undying. BRING IT. We can handle it, Elena. Bring. It.

Can I rant a little about Dany? I want to address the Dany haters. I live with one, you see…so it gets to me sometimes.

Yes, it doesn’t really make any sense that Dany shows up in Qarth and starts demanding shit from everyone and generally being a whiny baby. It doesn’t happen in the books. So you got me.

Politics and the realities of getting yourself enough support to even start a war, let alone win it…are boring. I’ve always respected GRRM that he chose to include what many fantasy authors leave out of their epics – the boring sitting around and politicking that MUST occur if you are a poor fugitive trying to reclaim your birthright. Dany isn’t boring. Dany is realistic. As much as you can be when you’re the Mother of Dragons.

Dany’s journey, the confidence she gains in herself, the struggle she has in finding people to trust, the loneliness she feels because she has no actual friends…these are what make Dany interesting.

Having her dragons be kidnapped is a great plot twist. It really is. It works well on TV and gives the viewers something to worry about on a personal level for Dany. But this whole Thirteen business? I have no idea. I don’t really know how Dany is going to get to where she needs to get from here. I’m sure she will. I’m sure it will be plausible considering the events that unfold. Not knowing those events I can’t accurately react to them yet. All I can say is that I hope they keep the politicking in the show. Varys and Littlefinger and Dany are beloved characters BECAUSE they figure things out. Because they do a lot with very little. Because they manipulate everyone around them, including the readers, into loving them a little.

So I’m waiting. But I’m worried.

< / End Rant >

Elena: Ha, for once the non-readers have the advantage! Since we don’t know what to expect next or see the plot veering off toward Phoenix when we’re supposed to be going to NYC we don’t get worried wondering how the frak the writers are going to take Dany where she needs to go.

My biggest reactions to this week’s Qarth scenes was a reinforcement of how perfect Quaithe is for me for a Halloween/Ren Faire cosplay model, and that the twelve simultaneous throat-slits would have made a MUCH more impactful episode break point. So there’s the changes I’d have made to this episode: show Theon burning out the holding to get those two little-boy bodies and then end with twelve perfect replicas slit twelve conniving throats. Boom. Awesome. Not that I think the show needs much help, but…if they’re going to show us their fantasies of how to make the book better (or better for TV) then I will share mine about what would have made the episode even better for me.

So, um, yeah. Dany’s dragons are in the House of the Undying. I think those Qarth magicians better watch themselves. If Dany remembers she can walk through fire you know she’s just going to have Ser Jorah build a giant bonfire and set the tower aflame. She and her dragons will be fine, I mean once it’s burning she can just walk in and get them.

Damn. Where’s a spare bucket of wildfire when you need one? Maybe Quaithe can point Ser Jorah to one, she knows enough other random shit…why not.

Rachel: Bonus points to this being…what, the second episode in a row with no gratuitous naked brothel scenes? HUZZAH! This is obviously because Petyr is on the road. I’m sure the nakedness will come once Petyr is again doing business from his office.

Elena: Well you know what they say…when the cat’s away, the pussies will play.

Yes, I just went there.

Playing the Game of Thrones With Season 2 Episode 6 – A Review

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The Old Gods and the New

Elena: So, Rachel, what was it about this episode that made you say the F word all over Twitter?

Rachel: Holy Craaaap, Dany’s Dragons were stolen! This shit DOESN’T HAPPEN IN THE BOOKS. I am lost. This scene is such a great representation of how I felt during the entire episode. HBO is finally making changes that put the readers in the dark and now we (get to?) enjoy the show in much the same way as non-readers. Sitting on the edge of our seats, no idea what’s happening next, worrying for our favorite characters.

The changes can’t please everyone, but if they continue on making these sorts of changes, that don’t rewrite entire plotlines, I think it will be great. It is an adaptation, after all, and I don’t think anyone can reasonably expect the writers to follow each book exactly. (Remember when I kind of hated The Hunger Games? Yes. It was because the movie followed the book too closely and lost most of its heart in the process.)

This change for Dany’s storyline ESPECIALLY is definitely the right move for HBO. I love Dany. She is one of my favorite characters, but her storyline can get a little…well, boring. HBO recognized that sitting around in Qarth receiving sycophants and having Jorah make you feel uncomfortable is not enough of a story for Dany. Compare that to what is coming for pretty much any other character, and it is absolutely understandable and expected that HBO would spice it up. I’m totally fine with it. I’m upset that Irri is dead, but at least she defended the dragons with her life. She was brave.

And the noises the baby dragons were making? Heartbreaking. I cannot wait to see Targaryen Dany Eyes in full force for the entirety of the next episode. Girl is going to lose her mind.

Rachel: Elena, what did you think as a non-reader?

Elena: It didn’t really stand out to me as being obviously not of the books when I watched it, and so I think the writers did a really great job of integrating in Martin’s trademark “you can see it coming in retrospect but never in advance” sort of solipsistic-character interaction with the world. Having had Dany’s behavior in Qarth in the book explained to me, I can see why this didn’t happen in the books (read: because she didn’t leave her dragons alone very much), but in the show it was just sort of a duh moment. Like…the entire city knows you’re there, and that you have dragons, and that you are making house calls on all the rich men, trying to finance Operation: Reclaim the Iron Throne, and that you have a very limited contingent of guards. Why wouldn’t someone move in to take the one thing of value (sorry, Dany) that you have while you are essentially defenseless? I know there is a thing about hospitality and guests, but…she’s not the guest of the city but of Xaro. Also, the city is full of rich men. Sure, some of them did it entirely honestly, but as Xaro pointed out, most of them did not—they did things that would make a back-alley whore blush and didn’t blink because it was what needed to be done. Of course some opportunistic Qarthian is going to try and steal her dragons.

This scene also tied in very well to what is going on with the rest of the show right now. Part of being a lord in this land is being able to hold what you claim…we are actually seeing that theme play out in macro with the various kings and will they be able to hold their thrones (as indeed Robert was barely able to) and on a micro-scale with individual holdings. Such as Bran not being able to hold Winterfell against Theon…and Theon in turn probably not being able to hold it long against Robb or anyone Robb sends. Or his sister, for that matter, when her 500 knights get there (assuming she even sends them). Come on, she’s not going to let her brother use her men to secure what he stole and still call himself Lord of Winterfell. She’ll steal it from him. Ha! Take that, Theon!

Elena: Speaking of Theon…were there more changes from the books in his Winterfell-felling quest?

Rachel: Oh, Theon. Theon, Theon, Theon, Theon. Having just seen Avengers I am tempted to draw lots and lots of parallels between Theon and Loki. They’re both adopted. They both have older brothers they have a really complicated relationship with. They’re both horrible fucktards. And yes, both are strangely compelling. Although, I think we’ll give Loki the trophy in prettiness, we’ll all agree. (Sorry, Alfie, considered yourself…Loki’d).

But yes, there were more changes in Winterfells scenes. Let’s talk about the things that HBO has done in that I liked:

THE DETAILS: Bran had a handle hanging above his bed that allowed him to sit up my himself. I loved this detail. Not only because it gives Bran more physicality – we don’t see him only move around with Hodor’s help – but because it also means that Bran has made a turn-around from the depressed child we saw following his accident. Bran has figured out how to go on with daily life.
Yes, I’m totally OK with the fact that they compressed (again) several scenes into one. Namely that instead of Theon killing Mikken (which would have made no sense as he isn’t a character in the show), he killed Ser Rodrik (who dies a little later in the book, but I can’t tell you details). There is emotional impact since we know this character, plus Theon’s total inability to get through Rodrik’s neck in one or even three blows is just…gugh. Maybe we shouldn’t blame Theon – all that salt air can dull his blade. And since the Greyjoys Do Not Sow, we can’t expect them to have any native blacksmiths around to keep their weapons sharpish. But those of us who’ve read the books know Theon’s worse moments are coming…soon.
Maester Luwin’s performance. What a scene stealer! Isaac (Bran) did an awesome job as well at conveying the frustration of a little boy who can do nothing to stop the inevitable. Not merely due to his handicap but because he has no men and no way to oust Theon from Winterfell. He is feeling the responsibility of keeping his people safe, but it is Maester Luwin that really steps up in his scenes. He is no fool to let a boy shoulder those responsibilities. Also – that opening scene with the ravens. WIN.

I’m going to scoot right on by seeing Tonks naked (Wow, these Harry Potter books got way adult) except to say that she should have just killed him, otherwise why even put yourself through it? She could have skipped boning with Theon and gone straight to offering herself to the guards (arguments against this will include – “but she needed Theon to be asleep!”…Yea…or dead?)

But really I have to love any scene in which Shaggydog makes an appearance.

Rachel: Anyway, there were lots of wtf moments in terms of writing in the Osha escape scene, agree?

Elena: Man, that sequence was just killer. Tonks Osha is yet another Badass Bitch! Are there any women in Westeros who are not secret badasses? No wonder all the men are so terrified of letting them do anything but knit. I mean, all these warring rapacious assholes have to get the genes from somewhere, and apparently it’s not all from daddy…but I digress. Right. Lots of WTF when Osha goes in and has sex with Theon. The only point to that scene is to continue the narrative confusion of what her game is until the end of the episode. Because, seriously, there is no reason for her to bang Theon if she isn’t going to kill him! Gurl. Your brain is a bit too one-track here. You have Theon sleeping like a baby in all his self-satisfied glory, no guards in sight, and you…just put your cloak back on and walk out? Honey, the guard would have been just as certain Theon sent you to warm his night if you had gone to him first. Did you worry not having the scent of Theon’s balls on your breath might tip your hand?

Rachel: Insert me making a face and saying “Theon’s Balls?” to myself.

Elena: Anyway, Osha’s mad plan to escape with Bran and Rickon was, aside from the 5-minute detour (bc you know that’s all it took) to fuck Theon to sleep, pretty brilliant. And while I would totally like to claim that I knew she wasn’t really betraying Bran, because she’s Tonks, and she’s too Awesome for that…honestly, I didn’t question her trying to get out of being the Stark’s indentured servant at all. But the second she slit that guy’s throat I remembered what happened on the day she was caught. Theon wanted to kill her, and Robb stopped him. She told Robb, if you spare my life, I am yours. And she is from the North. They do not make bullshit vows like the Iron Islanders do. She meant that. And Theon was fucking there, and he fucking heard her make that promise, and he doesn’t have a bazillion character motivations to keep track of the way I do. So how the fuck did he forget that?

So, yeah, Osha is awesome.

Theon is…not awesome. He totally allowed himself to be bullied into having Ser Rodrick executed, and then he had to be bullied into doing it himself. I don’t think he has very long to live. He’s not fooling anyone into thinking he’s real leadership material. If he weren’t such a hosebeast I might feel sorry for him. Like, I understand he has conflicting motivations. And I get that he is young and hasn’t been exposed to having to do these hard things for himself. But at the same time, if he had a stronger sense of self, he’d have the courage of his convictions. Instead he has no convictions, just whatever seems necessary at that moment. He is not thinking ahead, and in the game of thrones if you can’t think five moves ahead you’re going to lose. Theon can’t even think one move ahead right now.

I just hope Robb gets his wish to be the one to kill him. I feel like that isn’t going to happen for him, though. Theon’s just Too Stupid To Live.

Rachel: So remember when Roose finally wanders over to tell Robb and Cat and Talisa of Theon’s betrayal, and Cat is all, “I TOLD YOU!”? You were right, Cat. You were riiiight. Robb is basically an idiot if he thought he could rely on Theon as if he were Jon. No way. Everyone forgot that Theon was a PRISONER. Everyone but Cat, because she’s very good at remembering which ones are her children and which ones aren’t.

Ten thousand extra points for Roose’s “Let me send word to my Bastard at the Dreadfort.” YESSS. SEND ALL THE WORDS. And leaches!

As far as Robb still mooning over Talisa…eh.

Elena: That was such an awkward mom intrusion. Robb was just starting to get his mack on, inviting her to have dinner in his tent and all, and then his mom comes up and might as well have pulled him away by his ear. Ha! Also Cat is going to get to say I Told You So a second time when Lady Talisa turns out to be not foreign and not Talisa. The lady part I give her, Robb’s right about that, but otherwise? I call bullshit on that story. Cat smells it, too. She keeps giving that girl the skank eye, like, “Bitch, please, I have a pen pal in every keep in the Riverlands (except Harrenhal, obviously), and I know there ain’t no mothafucking lady named Taleezha running around here with any legitimate purpose.”

Also, having Roose’s inclination to suck fingerbones explained to me, your caption on our first Talisa picture (“Roose, you’re making this [amputation] awkward”) is stunningly hilarious. Apparently, like the books, OUR VERY COLUMNS can be revisited with greater appreciation once the bigger picture comes clear!

Elena: Right. So, since I mentioned Harrenhal…what did we think of this week’s episode of As the Wheel Turns: Isengard?

Rachel: LOL at Littlefinger’s teleportation abilities. Yet another creation of the show that is not in the books. It’s kind of weird. I guess they don’t want to pull a Downton Abbey and put everything in letters for people to read and then pull dramatic faces over – I get it. Also, I’m going to assume that show-Littlefinger TOTALLY recognized Arya but very handily CHOSE not to. However, I…have no idea why he would do that. If he did recognize her and then told his ally Tywin…they probably would have shipped her back to King’s Landing or arranged a trade to get Jaime back…maybe. But Littlefinger doesn’t give a rip about ol’ horse face, he’s got other fish to fry.

By far the best moment was Jaqen H’ghar’s kill. Again, changes from the book, but the impact and plot movement is the same. Plus, HA! Arya demands, Jaqen delivers. Tywin does…nothing? The fallout (ha) of this kill may actually come back to kick Arya in the butt. Tywin isn’t the type of lord to ignore the fact that one of his men was obviously murdered right in front of him.

Thaffierths! <———— I’m sorry. I had to.

Jaqen H’ghar strikes (our hearts) again! Let’s here it for team, “More water, sir?”!

Elena: I don’t know, that guy was getting on Tywin’s nerves. Maybe he will choose not to look a gift horse in the mouth?

Really the whole sequence convinced me that Jaqen H’ghar is kind of in love with Arya. Not, like in a creepy sexual way, but in the “I’ll wait for her” guy in love with Hit Girl on Kick-Ass way. He finds her fiery spirit irresistible. Also I think he responded to her imperious tone. She definitely channeled her mother there, with that NO, JAQEN, IT MUST BE NOWWWWWWWWWWWW. Like even the representative of the red god took a step back and decided not to annoy Her Ladyship further. Because if Arya uses a Cat tone, you know shit’s about to get real, and he couldn’t stand to see his little bird of death get hurt.

Rachel: A… raven, perhaps? As to Jaqen – representative of R’hllor? You think that? Just because he mentioned him to Arya before? I totally understand why you would think that given the line but take this is a negative head nod from me. Ya know.. FYI. (This has been a message from DarthRachel Omnipotence Corps.)

Elena: Conclusion: Stark girls are irresistible to sociopaths. Or perhaps it’s Tully girls, if Littlefinger’s obsession with Cat is any guideline. Discuss in the context of Sansa’s arc this week.

Rachel: The big San/San moment this week! Sandor rescuing Sansa. Not going to lie, my exposure to The Phantom of the Opera as a small child has left me predisposed to liking their dynamic even though IT’S TERRIBLE. It is! He’s an amoral killer with a hate-gig, and she’s a naïve (but learning) prisoner. It’s romantic in a brooding, windswept moor sense, but also horrifying. More San/San!

The riot in King’s Landing might actually be less powerful in the books than it was in the show. In the books they’re on horseback, and everyone is running, and I was not in as much fear for characters’ lives (okay, let’s face it, there aren’t a lot of characters I give a rip about in the scene to start with) as I was in the show. Putting them on the ground not only saved them horse-renting money, it helped put the camera down in the riot instead of horse-back level. Well done!

Elena: I would say…it’s easy to fear for a character’s life even if you actively want to see them dead. It’s just that fear is perhaps the wrong connotation. “Actively question their ability to survive” is more tone-neutral, yes? Because I actively questioned the ability of any of them to survive. It would be a fitting end for our Good King Joffrey, White Knight of Douchebaggery and High Wizard of Craziness to get trampled in street riot by peasants throwing cow pies. Better yet, by peasants force-feeding him cow pies. That would make my life complete…but it was not to be. Instead the little fuckball left Sansa out to get raped to death in the streets. He obviously is not turned on by sub’s the way the Hound is. Maybe he should toss over Sansa for Margaery, I bet she could whip (literally) some sense into him. But the Hound probably should have let Sansa at least get her little princess hymen snapped by the first of those street roughs; then Joffrey would have thrown her to him like a bone! Maybe he will anyway if Margaery strolls into King’s Landing with her father’s army and a black leather dress on. San-San 4evah!

Rachel: I’m laughing at that because I know you, I know you aren’t actually advocating Sansa be raped. You’re making a comment on how fucked up and shitty Joffrey is, YOU HEAR THAT COMMENTORS?

I don’t have much to say about the introduction of Ygritte except that I love her and it was perfect and I demand more Ygritte! So what did you think of Ygritte becausesheismyfavoriteandIreallyhopeyoulikeher?!

Elena: Ygritte was AWESOME! She is going to test Jon Snow’s knowledge of Where To Put It very quickly, I sense. Although considering how uncomfortable her wiggling made him, perhaps he really DOES know.

God, I can’t wait to see what all she can manipulate him to do with her feminine wiles. I mean, Jon Snow is this poor horny virgin who couldn’t even bring himself to bang a Winterfell whore (and the whore was obviously not actively trying to seduce him or she could have talked him out of walking away, so obviously he has NO experience even attempting to resist feminine wiles, because he has never in his life had any directed at him), and here’s this wild thing who calls his bluff when he’s told to kill her and almost escapes him and still fights him the only way she can…yeah. This is not going to end well for him. If by end well we mean staying true to his vows at The Wall, that is. The actual sex will probably end very well. She will show him the true meaning of a Wild Rumpus (because she’s a wildling, and Jon Snow has run off to Where The Wild Things Are…AKA North Of The Wall).

I kind of expect that she takes Jon to the wildling camp and he finds out that the King Beyond the Wall is actually Uncle Benji. Because that would be dramatic irony of the type that is totally irresistible for this kind of story (cough *soap opera with swords* cough). And if the King Beyond the Wall is not a man to whom Jon Snow owes ostensible fealty…then Jon Snow will someone end up the new King Beyond the Wall, because that’s just how things are going to go for the kid. His destiny is not to become wildling shish kebab or live out his days on The Wall until he is old and impotent and telling stories about how he could have stopped a civil war but didn’t. No.

But now he won’t have to, because he has met Ygritte, and she is pretty enough to tempt even a Lord of Winterfell, and she is hard enough to impress even a Lord of Winterfell, and yet she is low enough that the Bastard of Winterfell doesn’t feel out of his league as long as he doesn’t lose his fights to her! Jon Snow, meet Rocked. As in, your world officially is. And yes, the romance reader in me will unabashedly ship the one fucking couple of maybe-they-could-hook-up characters on this show for whom it would not be a disaster or betrayal in one way or another to actually hook up. I mean, yes Jon vowed celibacy, but…come on. Even Lord Mormont admits they don’t actually expect the men to keep that vow, and anyway Jon’s “brothers” kind of threw him to the wolves on that one with their whole, “you go on and kill her while we walk to the top and wait for you” bit. There was just no way he was ready for killing a pretty girl without having seen her kill someone first. So I’m not going to consider it any kind of oathbreaking for him to forget about those assholes (even though Jon will be emo about it for YEARS). Anyway, my main point was, Yay, Ygritte!

Rachel: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (insert me laughing hysterically and weeping and then laughing again and I will never tell you WHYYYYYYYYY)

10 Things We Know About Season 5 of True Blood

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Season 5 of “True Blood” may feel like it is taking forever to arrive (June!) but at least there are a few spoilery things we already know going into the new seasons.

This article is written assuming you have seen season 4.

RUSSELL IS BACK!

One of the first things we learned about season 5 was t hat neurotic and evil vampire, Russell Edgington, is back and ready to wreak havoc in everyones lives.

At the end of season 4 we saw his cement tomb broken open and the vampire king of Mississippi gone. Eric as already accused Pam releasing him, but as of now we don’t know who has done it or why. However, he is probably reasonably more upset and crazy than before and if he before he ripped a spine out of someone on live television we can only imagine what he is capable of now that he is pissed off instead of just distraught.

Steve Newlin is also returning

Close-minded anti-vampire activist Rev. Steve Newlin is also returning and it appears he has been turned. His return as a member of the undead was revealed in the season 5 trailer. However, given the tricksy nature of Bon Temps and the “True Blood” world, everything should be taken lighting till we see it for sure.

If he is now a vampire, will he still be in love with Jason, and will he still be annoyingly preachy? Or has he replaced that with a penchant for drinking blood (and probably being happier for it.)

Pam and Eric might no longer be “Pam and Eric”

We know that Eric is Pam’s maker, but we also know she has been incredibly faithful to him for MANY years. Despite her constant lashing out regarding his feelings for Sookie and her “precious fairy vagina.” Through four seasons she has remained by his side, albeit full of anger and sarcasm. However, after a recent clip was released for season 5, it seems she will no longer be by his side. She even goes so far to request him to release her from their bond that most fans thought was mutual rather than maker-bound.

There is a bromance a-brewin’

In an interview recently with E Online, Alexander Skargard, the hot distraction known as Eric, revealed some insight into the weird eskimo-bro relationship that is Eric and Bill.

“There’s a bit of a bromance between going on this year between Eric and Bill…It’s fun because I love Stephen Moyer to death, and after four years of butting heads, this is more like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. We have a common enemy and we have to team up this year.”

Eric and his … Sister?

Not much is known about her… at all. What we do know that she is her Vampire sister, sired by Godric to be part of their Vampy family.

The character is to be played by Lucy Griffith, and during a recent interview with TV Guide, she said this about the character:

“She’s an irreverent British lady who we think was turned during Elizabethan or Victorian times. It’s been years since she’s seen Eric, and she is very excited. She looks up to him, but they’ve had a fiery love/hate relationship in the way that brothers and sisters do.”

Sounds creepy to me. Hopefully she isn’t the same brunette we see Eric kissing in the trailer.

Chris Meloni, need I say more?

A few months ago it was revealed that SVU star Chris Meloni would be in Season 5 as a Vampire named Roman and a member of “The Authority.”

We don’t know much about what his character will be like in the series, but what ever it is, I’m sure it is bad-ass.

There is going to be a lot more Terry

Last season we saw the entrance of a character played by Scott Foley. He was Terry’s platoon leader in Iraq and from what we have seen, it appears that some really terrible stuff went down while they were serving. While nothing is ever as simple as mean people and PTSD, we assume something more is going on behind the scenes.

However, having more sweet lovable Terry in the show is definitely a win.

More Fairies…

So far we have only gotten small glimpses into the true fairy world. We met Claude, who helped Sookie escape from Fairy land, who turns out is part of a fairy triplet set that includes Claudine, who is already dead after Eric drained her, and Claudette.

According to Deadline, we will be meeting Claudette for reals during this new season. Supposedly she will be helping Sookie learn more about her Fae roots and their way of life. However, I don’t suspect that will go over so well. You know, with all the vampires… that are everywhere… all the time.

Jessica and her well … something

What is going on with Jessica and Hoyt? After their incredibly cute relationship that ending increibly badly, we can’t help feel bad for Hoyt… in a way that makes us want to hug him… forever. So where do they stand in the new season? Not much is certain, but if he dies, or becomes a vampire… I might cry.

Sam and Luna got some trouble headed their way

A new clip released a few weeks ago feature shape shifters Sam and Luna talking about something pretty mysterious. What we do know is that Sam is going to protect his woman. No matter what she turns into. Who is going after who is the question but with Sam at her side, they will probably be fine… right?

Playing The Game of Thrones With Season 2 Episode 5 – A Review

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Elena: Renly died! I CALLED IT! Four episode arc. I WIN!

Rachel: Yes, I barely contained myself when you predicted Renly would last four episodes. Good job! And now that I’ve successfully won my campaign of convincing you magic exists in this world, I expect you to predict lots more!

I’m not sure I think opening with Renly’s death was the best idea? I don’t know. I agree it was a splendid cliffhanger for episode 4, but now that is has lost its momentum, seeing Shadowbaby come in and kill Renly was kind of a “duh” moment. Maybe I’m being harsh because I already know what is going to happen. I did enjoy Brienne’s emotion. I argued with another fan who said that Brienne being so emotional when she hadn’t had any lines up until then was hard to believe, but, frankly, Brienne’s story is not about her being devoted to Renly. Her story begins with Renly’s death.

As for this “controversy” that Loras wasn’t given ENOUGH emotion in his mourning scene…I’m giving you the stank eye, GoT fandom. IT’S HAPPENING. Right now. …… can you feel it? Loras was totally devoid of emotion in that scene with Margaery and Littlefinger! He was empty! The love of his life is dead on a table in front of him, and he is not dealing, you guys. I thought it was a much more powerful choice than to have him beating his chest and yelling, especially on the heels of the scene with Brienne. This way it doesn’t feel like a rehash. Neither steals the glory from the other.

But speaking of that scene…gosh, I heart Margaery! I’m so glad they’ve expanded her for this show, and we get to see her more. Littlefinger is deftly maneuvering as always, while Margaery takes advantage of the only avenue to power left on the table at the moment. It’s a great scene completely filled with all those key events in the future that book readers love. BAM. This is when the show is good. This is when I can walk proudly and say I am a fan of the show as well as the books. More of this, HBO. MORE!

Rachel: Is this what you thought Shadowbaby would amount to? Are you disappointed you didn’t get a zombie army?

Elena: I am not totally surprised that we didn’t end up with a demon army, if only because we’re maybe halfway through book 2 of 7 at this point. So a demon army seems a bit…unlikely at this point in the narrative. I feel like that will happen at the end, that the series comes down to everyone waking up from their petty power play when seven armies of supernatural shit converge. You’ve got White Walkers versus Shadowbaby-demon army and just when the world’s about to get overrun, Dany and her dragons swoop in, burn them all, save Sansa, and claim the Iron Throne. Can’t wait. But that’s the end of the series, not book 2 stuff.

That being said, it was kind of anticlimactic that all Shadowbaby did was kill Renly. I mean, I guess that’s all Shadowbaby needed to do, but the high point of that sequence was definitely Davos’ face during the birth and not the actual outcome of the black magic.

Rachel: Brienne is working for Cat now, this can only go well.

Elena: That pairing makes a really odd sense (well, wouldn’t have seen it coming but now that it’s done it makes total sense kind of odd sense) to me. I am not Cat’s biggest fan, but I actually got chills when she gave her vow back to Brienne. Say what you want about CTS, she has learned the dignity and honor of the north pretty well by this point. And that is a great place for Brienne, because Brienne actually is an honorable knight. She has to out-knight the male knights to prove she’s qualified, so while they can run around putting themselves on Arya’s Jaqen H’ghar death list (I’m looking at you, Mountain), she has to play by the formal rules of chivalry and oath and loyalty and honor.

I also think, though, that she and Cat have to be very careful not to bring out the worst in each other when it comes to dealing with people who don’t have something to prove regarding honor and whatnot. I guess I’m suggesting here that Cat might be in some small way driven by a motivation to prove she IS a true northerner and a proper Lady Stark, which is more important now than ever since Robb isn’t just Lord of Winterfell but King in the North and she is one of his designated proxies. Anyway, though, one of the hardest things for people who are really good at living by a set code to do is not judge the people who can’t/don’t, or who live by a code they cannot comprehend. As Rachel suggests, this pairing may go poorly for everyone they come into contact with….

Rachel: What do you think about Bran’s expanding “powers”? And Rickon? Rickon is my favorite character btw. From now on and forever. Rickon for King!!!!

Elena: Rickon? Who’s Rickon? Do you mean BAM-BAM? I know we talked about fake names for characters and how, no, but…that’s what he was doing at the table! Just banging away like a fucking heathen. Bam-bam Stark, so say I, so mote it be. Also because…does Rickon even know his own name at this point? I think Cat might be a little bit late in getting back to him. Ser Rodrick and Maester Luwen obviously don’t have a mother’s touch with taming a half-feral possibly autistic child. Clearly Cat had all the magic there (can you hear my sarcasm—okay, fine, that was so season 1 and now we’ve all forgotten about how she couldn’t do anything for any of her other children when Bran was maybe dying…oh, wait…).

Speaking of Bran, yes, I’m so glad they are getting more into his dreams. And I hope Theon’s visit to Winterfell will be instructive for Bran when it comes to dream interpretation. Because what else was the Theta Chi president suggesting with his cryptic “but that would mean—” remark except a pantyraid on Winterfell?

Good thing Bam-bam doesn’t even know what underwear are. I wish Theon all the luck getting back on his pirate ship once his crew realizes there was nothing at Winterfell to plunder except one wildling female prisoner and the links in Maester Luwen’s chain.

Rachel: Also, Asha is the greatest troll in all of Westeros.

Elena: Speaking of people with one line in the is episode…Quaithe? Is her entire purpose to pop up randomly spouting vague shit I can’t remember?

Rachel: Ding ding ding ding ding! Oh, Quaithe. Here is the thing about her and the trope she represents – the prophet trope. HOW DO THEY REMEMBER? Not the prophets, because they’re obsessed, and I totally get them remembering it; no, how do the main characters remember? Some whack-a-doo pops up spouting cryptic messages that are LONG and complicated and you’re supposed to be able to remember each of the parts and in which order? No. Sorry, no.

Lots of fans are also pretty mad about Xaro. I don’t see the point in changing him from gay to straight. One of the main reasons Dany refuses Xaro, besides being canny on her own sometimes without Jorah’s council, the fact that Xaro wants one of Dany’s dragons in exchange for the ships (and the marriage, but whatever), is that Dany doesn’t want to marry a gay guy no matter how he can help her regain her throne. This girl has NEEDS, and this girl will not settle for anything less than some more fresh Drogoey meat. (I say this with the knowledge that Dany and her handmaids often partake in um…stress relieving behavior. Thus proving my point that Dany has NEEDS.) Which is why I get so EMBARASSED for Jorah and his little girl crush. It’s at once kind of romantic and also nauseating. Embarrassing to watch but also juicy? I should stop.

But yes, Quaithe. Did you like her mask? I thought her mask looks like if Spiderman needed a mask but all he had were those little balsa wood chips you make fake shingles for doll houses out of….But then again Pyat Pree looks like a Sith Senator, so I guess Qarth is just a weird city in a land far away, made of dreams and bits of charred meat.

Elena: Qarth is obviously a con. Also I am totally going to be Quaithe for Halloween and one of my Ren Faire days this fall. Gotta start memorizing some good prophecies, though. Cause, yo, Rachel’s right, how am I supposed to remember all that shit?

Wait, what are we talking about?

Rachel: Oh right, Tyrion!

Elena: I wasn’t talking about Tyrion.

Rachel: Yes, Tyrion and Bronn and what you have so delightfully dubbed as “their trip to the set of Rome”. Which is the only excuse for that teeny tiny caravan that Tyrion is hanging out in when he utterly pwns Lancel (More wine, sir?). And then he’s strolling the grossest bits of the city sans guards with just Bronn by his side?

I just don’t think that is plausible. He’d be on a HORSE, or something. The Lannisters are not well-liked at this point, not by the peasant class anyways. People are calling him “demon monkey” in broad daylight! Guy needs to be on a horse for his own safety. This is when the show is strange. Not pull your hair out bad or anything, just strange. Was it extras cost double day when they were filming?

Meanwhile Roy Dotrice cameoing as the pyromancer was a stroke of genius. For anyone who doesn’t know, Dotrice narrates the audiobooks though he is also a screen actor. He was just SO excited to be melting flesh like tallow. Isn’t it nice? That George envisions a world where people find meaningful work no matter their destructive impulses? Very enlightened.

Rachel: Cersei – petty or actually retarded?

Elena: It depends on whether she has really left the defenses of the city to Joffrey (or herself, for that matter), or if she just told that to Tyrion to be a bitch. I don’t think either of them have the tactical chops to really be the military leader in a time of unrest, you know?

The wildfire solution really does have Cersei’s stamp on in, though, doesn’t it? Roach on your plate? Burn the table! Better yet, burn the whole dining room! Daddy will buy me a new one!

My concern is this. You have 7000 barrels plus whatever pyromancer can make in the meantime if he can resist the pissing on it experiment. How far does that really go against 100,000 men and ships? Maybe you have enough to burn Stannis’s army to ash. Fine. What happens when Robb Stark’s army gets there? What about the king beyond the wall (cause you know even with Jon Snow Who Knows Where to Put It’s promotion that avalanche ain’t gonna be stopped from rolling down the mountain)? Seven thousand barrels since the time of mad king Aerys isn’t really all that much of a safeguard if it’s your only defense.

Elena: Anyway. Going back to beyond the beyond, what the big deal about this Halfhand guy who shows up at the mountain camp and apparently needs no introduction?

Rachel: Qhorin Halfhand! He’s the great ranger of the Night’s Watch is all! Famous South of the wall, well, okay, famous as far South as Winterfell. The way Southerner’s might feel about Barristan Selmy is how Northerner’s feel about the Halfhand. He’s the batman of winter. Jon would obviously jump at the chance to go on a mission with the guy.

Just go with it. He’s a bad ass. He’s only got half a hand.

It was definitely sweet of Sam to automatically take up Jon’s duties because he wants to eliminate all of Jon’s barriers to do what he has always wanted to do. I hate to see Sam and Jon split up for any length of time, but as long as Jon has Ghost, he’ll be fine. Right? I mean, I didn’t see Ghost. I heard he was there. I just imagine they CGI some floaty red eyes in the snow and call it a day.

Elena: Sam is the bestest friend evah! Also. Why am I so strangely attracted to Jaqen H’ghar?

Rachel: If you weren’t I would expect there to be something wrong with you. There’s just something about a weird dude with bad hair who talks about himself in the third person, ya know? Actually … I have no idea. He has this effect in the book as well, so we can’t blame it on the admittedly beauteous casting. I think it’s because guy gets shit DONE. That is attractive in a book full of devious twisty plots. With Jaqen it is simple. The man has a debt. The man pays his debt. The girl and the man are even.

HAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA. (This is me laughing and pointing and hyperventilating along with all the other theory hounds out there. We are legion.)

Anways, Harrenhal. Place keeps getting better! Actually it does. Jaqen, Shirtless Gendry, and now Arya is on Team More Water, Sir? That scene between Arya and Tywin is pretty amazing. Not afraid dude. NOT AFRAID. Hell yes, Arya. Kick Ass. Take ALL THE NAMES. Remember them. Say them at night. Never forget.

8 Reasons I Love Ender’s Game

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Ender’s Game is a novel written by Orson Scott Card and published in 1985. Since then it has remained a cult favorite among sci-fi fans. After several years of attempts it is finally moving forward with a film adaptation directed by Gavin Hood and staring Asa Butterfield as Ender.

With the film on its way, I began reading the iconic novel. After only a few pages in, I was hooked. I finished it over the course of probably a few days. I can tell why it is so popular, however, I can see why it took so long to be made into a film. We just now have the technology to do the adaptation right.

Along with reading the novel, I was able to listen to the audiobook as well. This was really great because at times I was really into the novel but had to leave. Thankfully, I was able to pick up where I left off with the audiobook while driving without missing a beat in the story. It was a great companion to the paperback. If you are a busy reader, having the audiobook in your car will make things so much easier. I promise!

So, after finishing the story, I am SO excited to see the film. So, here are eight reasons I loved the novel and I can only hope they keep these things in the movie.

The Tone

I love the tone of this novel. Despite the serious content, it is not all serious. There are several moments in the novel that are used to break up the tension. It can be very overwhelming to have a novel that is one serious scene after another. However, as the story progresses those moments are fewer and fewer because we head to the climax. Not to mention the switch in prospective from Ender to Gruff. The aid is showing the audience that what Ender is working toward is even more important that he realizes. It is very effective storytelling in my opinion.

The Surprises

There are SO many surprises in this novel. I don’t just mean twists, I mean things that are surprising to the point that I literally set the novel down just to grasp what I had read. Despite all the surprises though, it didn’t ever feel like they were arbitrary or just thrown in there to create tension. It felt more honest and less sensational. Some of the surprise moments even caused me to flip back in the novel and re-examine something I had read. Not many novels surprise me, usually I can see something coming, but there were moments I didn’t see. A fantastic read, definitely.

Ender

I loved this main character. At the beginning I was very skeptical of the characterization. At the young age of Ender, I had a problem believing he could talk and act the way he did. However, the longer I read this book, the more I liked him. The more the audience grows to know him. I think it aids a lot to the story to not see what Graff sees till later. But after watching him grow and learn, the audience begins to see what Graff always saw within Ender. I ended up really feeling for him as a character by the end, so far as to feel bad for him and the life he was forced to live and the things he was forced to do.

The Pace

This novel jumps into the story pretty quickly. I absolutely hate it when too much exposition is part of a novel. Thankfully, Ender’s Game spends minimal building before throwing Ender and the audience into Battle School and the plot. I think this is wise especially as this novel is used to hook children into reading. To much exposition makes it hard for picky readers to get into the story. But in a matter of pages, we are immersed in the new world of Ender and Battle School.

Character Development

One of the best parts of this book is the character development. And not just for Ender either. We see his siblings Valentine and Peter evolve, we see Colonel Graff devolve due to exhaustion and stress, and yes we see Ender grow and became the savior of the world. None of the main characters are two-dimensional because the story takes place over years of development we are forced to see them and that makes the story that much better. If we didn’t know the changes that Graff makes or Valentine, their actions would make less sense to the audience.

The Battle Room

Who doesn’t love the Battle Room? I mean really? If you have read this novel, it is probably one of those things you love. It is the setting for so many scenes and aids so much in shaping Ender to the young man who saves the world. It is critical. This is one of those things that I think caused the movie to be delayed for so many years. If you can’t get it right, there is no point in even making the movie.

The Ending

The ending caught me off guard. I knew something was up about halfway through Ender working with Mazer Rackham, but the extent that he was tricked and used, I did not see coming. I also felt that Ender’s reaction to what happened was very realistic. Not many can commit mass genocide and walk away being ok, but then again that’s the reason they picked Ender instead of Peter. Ender secluded himself, mourns, becomes depressed. If he had gotten up and been fine, or even if he was sad but moved on, it would have been less acceptable. We see throughout the novel the kind of person Ender is and will be. We know how he cares deeply for humanity but also feels guilty for necessary steps he was forced to take in order to protect said humanity. This even more prevalent after finding the hive queen, despite being war hero, Ender is compassionate and strong and searches to find somewhere she can live again.

Valentine and Peter

These two are so important to the story. Like Ender they are smart and they are creative. But both his sister and brother are very different then he is. To truly understand why Ender was chosen, the audience needs to see why Valentine and Peter were not. Valentine is too compassionate while Peter is too fierce and sadistic. Knowing why they were not chosen is said almost immediately but the audience doesn’t fully grasp the reason till we see what Ender is put through. It then becomes more apparent why Ender is the savior, being a perfect mix between his two siblings.

I know creating a film adaptation of a novel means taking things out and adding things in to make it flow better, or work better, but I hope most of these things stay relatively intact. And please, make the Battle Room awesome!

The film adaptation will be released on November 1, 2013, by Summit Entertainment. It stars Asa Butterfield as Ender as well as Harrison Ford, Ben Kingsley, Aramis Knight, Hailee Steinfeld, Jimmy Pinchak, and Abigail Breslin.

Note: Review copies of the audiobook and paperwork were provided by Macmillan in partner with this review.

Playing the Game of Thrones With Season 2: Ep. 4 – A Review

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Episode 4: Garden of Bones

Elena: So is Qarth going to be as awesome as it seems like it will be?

Rachel: Qarth is…well, it is Qarth. Dany’s storyline begins a fundamental change here, maybe not in what you would expect from her as a character, but from what you would expect from GRRM as an author. Dany has been relentlessly journeying up until now, and with each stop on her journey she’s added another skillset, another aspect of her personality. She is definitely more than the unsure young girl who wishes to go home; now she’s a canny survivor. Qarth will teach her to be an effective politician.

I’m not going to lie and say that book readers don’t sometimes complain about Dany’s storyline. Maybe she will just sit in Qarth for a while, but dammit, she’s going to LEARN STUFF. Just you wait. Lore building! Baths! Cool dresses! Interpersonal relationship building!

Meanwhile from what I’ve seen so far of Qarth, I’m totally happy. I am not going to bitch about the lack of boobie-revealing dresses (really…I’m not), and I’m totally fine with Xaro being a summer islander. The line was kind of weirdly delivered, but whatever. Qarth is a multicultural city. The milk-men of Qarth are definitely present. SO EVERYONE JUST CALM THE HELL DOWN ABOUT IT. I mean… if I don’t ever hear another race-based complaint from the Game of Thrones fandom…well, that would make my damn life..

Also…Pyat Pree looks like a Star Wars character. Not like a Sith or anything, just one of those random background Naboo politicians with questionable morality.

Who am I kidding.. Pyat Pree IS A STAR WARS CHARACTER.

Elena: So…can we talk about that field nurse Robb decided he wants for his queen?

Because that scene was pretty fabulous. She’s fabulous.

I’m not sure if her strategy for man-catching is brilliant or not. Walk onto a battlefield and look all brave and compassionate and did I mention brave? And then saw a guy’s foot off—and, come on, y’all, that was not a one-clean hack and it’s done kind of amputation but literally sawing through the flesh and the bone, grind, grind, grind, crunch, ah THERE it goes finally and then the foot falls off into the mud, thunk—and then stand up totally unaffected by what you just did and tell off a king.

Damn.

Girl’s got brass balls the size of Grey Wind’s.

And Robb noticed. He was straight, I’m King in the North…I live by the old ways…I need a woman who is strong enough to deal with that…and even more I need a wife who will question me sometimes because, y’all, I’m not even 20 and I don’t have people second-guessing me anymore and secretly deep down inside I could use the certainty that comes after a good honest debate wherein I am forced to consider things I didn’t think of and make logical defenses of my decisions…HER! THIS ONE! I MUST MARRY HER! IT IS A SIGN FROM THE OLD GODS!

No, that’s not right. That comes later, when Robb thinks it over and has to figure out how to justify breaking the alliance his mother made for him. For now he was just like OMG-she-is-a-hot-BAB (bad-ass bitch), and then his eyes turned into hearts like zombie-Albie and for five seconds GOT turned into a romantic comedy, Westeros edition (because that line? “At least tell me your name!”—that line has been in pretty much every rom-com about a beautiful stranger since the beginning of time). Hey, maybe that’s what the whole series is. I don’t know yet.

So, her strategy? Brilliant. Brilliant because it worked. (Yes, I realize she is not actually trying to catch any man’s attention by being a nurse. I’m just saying it was such a tactically excellent move that if it had been her strategy it would have been the bestest strategy ever.)

Rachel…thoughts?

Rachel: JEYNE! Or as she is called in the show, Talisa from Volantis. Can I just…can I just call bullshit right now on “Talisa from Volantis”? I’m gonna. Here I go.

GURL. WE KNOW YOU’RE JEYNE WESTERLING. Now, whether the character is lying to protect herself from Robb OR the producers have changed her name a la Asha…I don’t care. I’m just going to call her Jeyne Westerling. I’ve dedicated a great amount of space in my head to remembering names of fake people, and I just don’t have room for fake names of fake people, too.

Let’s trust that the average Game of Thrones viewer can tell the different between a smart move and a dumb move…and leave it at that. (I know that the producers don’t trust that the average Game of Thrones viewer is anything else but an 11 year old boy searching for stimulation and violence…but let’s PRETEND).

I’m starting to get negative.

Elena: Can you be negative about Joffrey?

Rachel: I like Joffrey. Well, I mean I like to hate Joffrey, which is the same as liking the character because HE ISN’T REAL so you can’t actually dislike him for real because none of the terrible things he does actually happened.

But even though he didn’t actually make Ros the adorably (sarcasm) inserted prostitute stand-in horribly abuse and rape another nameless prostitute…I still hate him for it. This was such a weird scene to watch, because I knew it was coming. Fans had been discussing this particular scene (fabricated for the show) for a few days online prior to the episode airing. Calling it the most disturbing sex scene they had ever seen, a totally unnecessary scene, a scene that pushed the limits of cable broadcasting, etc., etc., etc.

I agree that the scene was unnecessarily disturbing. I think we get it, we hate Joffrey. Was there anyone out there that needed an extra push? However, because I was prepared for uncalled for depravity I wasn’t as throw-remote across-the-room, scream-at-everyone-around-you disgusted as many. I did turn to my friends and put my hands in the air like, “just another weird thing we had to sit through.”

Speaking of additionally weird things – Littlefinger using Ned’s bones as a come on was fucking dumb. Littlefinger is smarter than that. The only way I can live with it is to continually think all out of character behavior is masterminded to confuse us! YOU’RE SO CRAFTY LITTLEFINGER!

< / end ranty bullshit >

Elena: See, I find it interesting that people who read the books thought that scene was unnecessary. I think it was, maybe not necessary but at least useful, in making it clear that Joffrey is not just some spoiled child who wants to kill everyone who disagrees with him who is in the unfortunate position of being able to order that done. No. He is a straight sadist. He might very well have gotten his nuts off watching Ros beat and maybe antler-rape her fellow whore, just…not by engaging with them himself.

And this was far from the most disturbing sex scene I’ve seen. Please. I’m not saying it wasn’t disturbing or awful, but…it had nothing on, say, Irreversible. And pushing the boundaries of cable TV? How? All it actually showed was an ass-spanking. Ros raised her hand in such a way as to imply maybe there was just more beating rather than penetration, and I’m sure that was done to soften the blow, which I find kind of a cop-out on HBO’s part. You can’t actually show it, fine, but at least have the balls to be clear about what’s happening after the screen goes black.

Also, can I point out how monumentally poor Tyrion’s choice of whores was? Normally he’s more savvy. But I looked at the difference between Joffrey and those two women and was kind of like, no wonder he’s not interested. They were both so obviously older than him. And he is a slender young man, with a very boyish look. Most men like to feel big and powerful around women, ergo they like women who are smaller than they are, or at the very least the same size. Both of these women were bigger than Joffrey, because they are ADULTS, and he is so very obviously not. Tyrion should have had Littlfinger’s brothel send a couple of 16-year-olds who’ve been at it since they were children (since you know Littlefinger has child-sex on offer somewhere, so he’d have the personnel for this) who would be Joffrey’s age and on his same juvenile scale.

There might also have been an aspect of the women’s experience versus his inexperience. Fumbling virgins feel much more comfortable with other fumbling virgins than with someone who is uber-experienced and (in your head, at least) going to laugh at you for not knowing how to do any of it.

Rachel: So, Elena, is Melisandre magical?

Elena: SHADOWBABY OMG! I give up. Melisandre is magical.

Rachel: CORRECTION – Melisandre’s VAGINA is magical. Did I not tell you? DID I NOT TELL YOU? So yeah, shadowbaby. Coming at ya. The look on Davos’ face is probably my favorite moment. First he’s all, “Don’t talk about my wife.” Then he’s all, “HOLY CRAP WHAT IS COMING OUT OF YOU?” Poor Davos. Shit just got real for him. Methinks Melisandre is not going anywhere soon. Much to Davos’ discomfort.

And then you think about Stannis and his 13 men vs Renly and his 100,000 and (minus a peach, grrr) how much their little bitchy feuding does not matter because MAGIC. Plus a million to Stannis. You don’t know what Team Stannis is doing with said magic yet, but you know it is magic, and magic automatically gets plus a million. It’s the law.

Yeah, Renly has Margaery on his team, so don’t count Team Peach out…but MAGIC.

Elena: That was super-fucked up. I scrawled WTFFFF (what the fucking fucking fucking fuck, naturally) in my notes for this scene.

I am still creeped out about shadowbaby. I am worried for everyone in Renly’s camp. I have this fear that shadowbaby will take over everyone’s brain in the camp and then Stannis has the 100,000-man army and his red woman and shadowbaby, and yikes, y’all. It’s going to be shadowbaby drones vs white walkers vs dragons at the end.

I vote dragons. TEAM DANAERYS KHALEESI STORMBORN!

Speaking of dark and creepy things…why is Harrenhal like Isengard?

Rachel: Well Moff Elena, Isengard is a place useless little hobbits go when their hiking leader is brutally killed by douches to learn how to not be useless.

They also go to learn how to torture people with rats.

They also go to get wine (More wine, sir?) for Tywin BAMF Lannister. Which you fucking DO, because being a cup bearer is way better than being a smith or a dead guy hanging from a gibbet. Plus, you can learn things when you’re allowed to stand in corners of rooms occupied by BAMFs.

Also, it looks like Lannister guards have officially been combined with the Mountain and his men. Plausible, considering the Mountain is a Lannister banner-man. It’s fine. This eliminates needless scurrying about the countryside, and as long as they keep Arya’s litany…then I don’t think anyone will have a problem understanding who is who.

Plus next week it looks like we get more Jaqen H’ghar! * fangirl screaming * Okay…just me screaming.

Playing The Game of Thrones With Season 2: Ep. 3 – A Review

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Episode 3: What is Dead May Never Die

Elena: Brienne?

Rachel: WOOOOOT! Brienne of Tarth! One of my favorite characters. She’s like Sam, lovably earnest. She’s a lot savvier than Sam is though because she’s had a rougher time at life than him. Sure, Sam’s dad threatened to kill him if he didn’t go to the wall but at least his mommy loved him! Brienne is just a lady too big for the role she was born to. She’s basically what Arya wants to be when she grows up but without having her own Brienne of Tarth to look up to or pave the way. She’s dealing with a super misogynistic culture in which she is attempting to adopt a traditionally masculine role and she’s not doing it with witty quips and daddy’s blessing like Asha. However, Brienne IS taking charge of her own life. I think it’s really important that we see Brienne for the first time in an episode in which Cersei and Sansa are struggling with the hardships of being female in a patriarchal society. Brienne is a noble lady like Arya and Cersei and Asha. But rather than be married off in trade for land and loyalty to a husband that would surely not love her due to her lack of beauty she is forcing her way into a world that doesn’t want her there. She wants to be a lady knight. With Renly’s grant of the boon of Kingsguardship, she IS a lady knight! And that place on the king’s guard is for life and just like Jaime Lannister or a man of the Night’s Watch, means she can’t marry. It’s definitely a risky choice for her but Brienne is tough.

Brienne refuses to be a victim.

Rachel: What did you think of the Southerners we met this episode?

Elena: I loved getting another example of a way in which a woman can forge her own path and take some control of her future back from her family. I hadn’t realized the Kingsguard enabled her to piss on marriage, but that is awesome for her. Because, yeah, marriage is not for Brienne of Tarth. Not any marriage a man on Westeros would recognize, since she would never be willing to stay at home, sew, or wear a dress.

I was less impressed with Loras’s reaction. A, learn how to lose with grace you arrogant little shit. B, why on earth would you not want someone who can best you in the lists protecting your true love Renly? Brienne is basically having to out-knight the knights in order to be accepted as one of them, which means she is fucking awesome at what she does. And the best part is she’s not a man, so she can’t threaten Loras in a sexual way! I guess Loras feels like he’s got Renly’s peen on lockdown so he is worried about other things.

Speaking of Renly and his unstiffened peen…what was that with Loras’s sister? She is yet another example of a woman who wants power and is willing to get it through the men in her life. And she, unlike the other ladies we’ve met who are gaining power through marriage, is doing it of her own accord. I come to this conclusion based on the way she presents herself—she has sexualized herself, as if determined to be obvious that she fucked her way to the crown.

Now if only she looked more like Loras so she could fuck her way to an heir….

Elena: While we’re on about women as property, what’s going on with Tyrion’s agenda, and is Cersei cracking up?

Rachel: Unfortunately for Cersei, and as she has lamented before, being a woman in Westeros pretty much sucks. Even the Queen Regent of the western continent can’t even get what she wants when her brother takes it upon himself to marry her kid off to…well someone…in order to broker more power to their side. Power they should have already because well who else is ruling this joint? Except that’s not how it works. LIFE ISN’T FAIR, IS IT, CERSEI? Sometimes I feel bad for her. It’s funny that lots of fans are empathizing with Cersei’s frustration at her inability to keep Myrcella when they condemn Sansa for being mean to Shae. WHY DO YOU THINK CERSEI IS SO DAMN MEAN TO SANSA, YOU GUYS? Because sometimes you have to lash out at someone who can’t hurt you. (Even though Shae should be mocked openly and often for thinking her best lady of the night dress would be suitable for lady-maiding. Come ON, Tyrion…get her a real dress to work in, for the Seven’s sake!)

Elena: Or was that Shae’s rebellion? She seemed kind of pissed to be there, and she and Tyrion did have that argument about how she was not a weakness. Oh, honey, you don’t know his family, do you? Perhaps he sent her to Sansa just so she can learn about Cersei? Anyway.

Rachel: This episode was just FULL of women all living the same problems and dealing with them in different ways. Let’s go back to Margaery Tyrell. She got married off to her brother’s lover because if she births the next successor she could secure some more power for her family. Even if her husband is gay and she has to share him with her brother, Margaery is totally willing to do that. She’s most probably willing to do that because being a Queen is better than not being a Queen … but maybe Cersei would beg to differ. But then I would bet Shae would agree with Margaery. Or would she?

Tyrion by the by…is up to tricksy tricks ferreting out some of the more obvious roadblocks in court. He pissed off Littlefinger, sure, but he is a resource with too much potential value as an ally to totally throw away, so look for Tyrion to make it up to Littlefinger in the future. Pycell getting his whiskers hacked off by Bronn was epic. More whisker hacking! Maybe we can just hack off whiskers instead of heads from now on?

Wouldn’t that be nice?

Elena: Bronn! We also need more Bronn. That, too, would be nice.

Rachel: Were you sad for Theon and his father issues? His fake brother issues? His sister issues? What about his whiney baby issues?

Elena: My notes on the first look at Theon this episode: “Theon is not impressed with the Pike house.” Which is a joke because the Pikes are another frat, and Theon’s a Theta Chi. Yes? No? It was funny in my head.

Um, so Theon decides to be a Greyjoy. No good can come of this. “Everybody knows you never go full Greyjoy!”

I was conflicted about whether to judge him for his choice. Family is a huge part of the ethos in this world—“What do we always say is the most important thing? FAMILY!”—but on the other hand…he’s betraying Robb! And the Starks who even if they are all incompetent players are the team I’m rooting for until I meet someone better or they’re all dead. So, no bueno. Bad Theon.

He was put in an untenable situation, and I find it interesting that I don’t have much interest or sympathy in him as a character. He acted the over privileged lordling once too often in my company for me to care that he feels inadequate with his family. Guess what? If Robb Stark is able to lead a fucking army and argue down his bannermen at this age, Theon is old enough to not judge his own worth on the valuation of any other man…even his absentee dad. (Yes, I know, that’s not how daddy issues work, but the point is we have other characters who don’t have his hang-up that made him so manipulable, so I no longer find his daddy issues a valid excuse for what he does.)

But the drowned god bit was fucking cool, and I hope we get to hear a little more about that!

Elena: Theon chose blood over water, which is funny because of reasons ^^.

Rachel: The part of Theon’s brain that makes decisions must be a terrible hell. One, because he’s kind of a swaggering idiot a lot of the time. And two, because there’s some serious cognitive dissonance happening in the guy’s life. He was raised by these seemingly honorable people… except that they murdered his brothers and took him as a hostage. Being reminded of that by your estranged father – well you can’t really blame him for siding with his family and plotting to screw Robb over. I mean you can, but it’s easily understood how he was utterly sandbagged into “going full Greyjoy”. His only choices were betrayal and… oh betrayal! Theon might be one of the more tragic characters in Game of Thrones. The Fool who learns too late? We shall see.

Everyone loves bad ass pirates who steal all the stuff and laugh at everyone who underestimated them!

Elena: Yoren died. I haz a sad.

Rachel: Yes, while Yoren suffered from an acute case of Boromir-it is I was never all that upset about his death. Mostly because in the books it is strongly and repeatedly emphasized how bad Yoren smelled and how he had fleas. He grossed me out you guys.

They also seem to be heavily contracting a few things into one thing (which I agree with for the sake of brevity and how it isn’t really necessary since the end result is the same) except that I’m worried about the Mountain’s men and the Lannister men getting all mixed together. Were these the Lannister soldiers? Were they the outlaws? Will that distinction matter in terms of the show? I’m hoping for a bit more explanation in the next episode because where Arya and Gendry end up is extremely related to the group of men that just captured them at the end of the episode and I’m not sure shoving all the motivations into one pot will make it easier to understand.

And I just want to emphasize that the three guys in the cage – IMPORTANT GUYS. Also, horrible criminals. Probably. I could be lying. I lie all the time.

Elena: I am going to be so pleased if we have just met the Hannibal Lector of Westeros. Because that? Would be awesome. And hilarious. What happens when he meets the white walkers? Do they all just sit down and have a civilized meal of roasted Craster son?

Is Jon Snow there? Is he hiding behind a tree still trying to figure out what happens?

Hey, Jon Snow, don’t feel too bad for not figuring out the subtext everyone else picked up on the second they saw one man surrounded by 50 women…you still know where to put it.

Want more? Then check out the latest episode of Team More Wine Sir as we pour more wine and talk more about “What is Dead May Never Die”!

Game of Thrones Cookbook Fit For The Wall And Beyond

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Recently, a love for cooking as taken hold of me that started with The Hunger Games Unofficial Cookbook. So a few weeks ago I received the The Unofficial Game of Thrones Cookbook: From Direwolf Ale to Auroch Stew – More Than 150 Recipes from Westeros and Beyond written by Alan Kistler for review. We over here LOVE the book series, A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin, and we love the hit HBO series based on it. So when I got the chance to review this cookbook, I was stoked.

The cookbook is broken up into chapters/sections for different types of food. I love this because when trying to decide on something to make, I enjoyed being able to just flip to the dinner section or breakfast section. Like 40 percent of this book has recipes that include bacon… and that made me happy (although I do substitute with turkey bacon, but it was still delicious).

The chapters included:

Chapter 1 – Heroic Mornings: Breakfasts for Warriors

16 recipes mostly egg, oat, and bacon recipes.

Chapter 2 – A Morsel in a Moment: Appetizers and Snacks

22 Recipes, there were some definite interesting recipes in here, but some of them seemed interesting.

Chapter 3 – Something Off the Sideboard: Sides and Bread

20 Recipes, bread recipes are my favorite and this one has a ton.

Chapter 4 – Fireside Fare: Soups, Stews, and Salads

28 Recipes, and the section of which I made the most recipes.

Chapter 5 – Feast for Friends & Enemies: Main Courses

38 Recipes, Lots of meat and hearty recipes.

Chapter 6 – Deceitful Delights: Desserts, Drinks, and “Poisonous” Cocktails

30 Recipes, my second favorite section because of its cocktails recipes.

There is also an appendix that explains the standard brewing process.

There was a lot that I enjoyed about the cookbook. Thankfully, there were only a few things that I didn’t like. I am not a fish eater, at all. No one in my household is either and unfortunately there are several fish/seafood recipes. But given it is supposed to reflect the time period, where fish eating is prevalent, I couldn’t complain. I also wished there were more chicken recipes. The one I wanted to try to the most, “Ghost’s Chicken” I wasn’t able to make because I didn’t have a dutch oven. Other than those few things, I really enjoyed the book.

Each recipe has a snippet from the novels above it, telling you where the type of food was mentioned and why it was important. I love this touch because it gives the reader a bigger connection to the story. Each recipe also has a “words of wisdom” section that gives you small helpful hints, or options for substituting ingredients. I found these very helpful.

The first thing I made was the “The Hand’s Daughter’s Pumpkin Soup.” I loved it, although, I did put to much onion in the recipe. But it was easy and nice to enjoy on a cool night at home.

I also really wanted to make some of the cocktails, but since I am not much of a drinker, I only got around to making one, “The Strangler” (although I do plan to make “Manticore Venom” soon). I loved that they included an alcoholic beverage section. Watching and reading the series, wine and drinks play a HUGE role in the story. So, its only fitting that there are recipes to fit the theme. Some of the other recipes for cocktails and alcoholic drinks included: Tears of Lys, Manticore Venom, The Strangler, Direwolf Ale, Cersei’s Plum Wine, and Lannister Gold IPA.

I went on a quest to find crumpet/muffin rings to make the most delicious sounding recipes, “Arya’s Lemon Cakes.” However, I have yet to win that, but I have to say the recipe sounds fantastic.

One of the more delicious recipes I made out of the book was The Wall’s Breakfast Loaf. It was a large bread recipe that included fruit and spices baked into it. It took me a large chuck of the day to make but it was really good when it was finished. I ate some for breakfast and brought to remainder in to my office to eat, and it was gone within minutes. Very successful.

The stew recipes all seemed very delicious so I made one of them that turned out very delicious as well. The only problem was that the cayenne pepper used in the recipe was a little much for those who don’t like a spicier/hotter flavor.

But some of the recipes were just weird, and I don’t know if anyone would have eaten them (such as Bran Stark’s Pigeon Pie and Khaleesi’s Heart: this one is made with a real cow heart…. ugh).

Overall, there were some really great recipes. My favorites definitely were the breakfast, desert, and stews/soups recipes. It should be noted, however, this is definitely not the cookbook for those with picky eaters, or vegetarians in their life. I would recommend this to any “Game of Thrones” fan who wants to try something new.

Note: Review item provided in partner with this review.

5 Reasons “Chobits” Might Be Our Future

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Chobits (ちょびっツ) is a Japanese manga originally published by Clamp. It was in eight bound volumes but you can now buy it in one giant volume. It was later adapted into a 26 episode series anime in 2002. This manga (and its subsequent anime) is probably my favorite. I originally read it in high school but since have re-read it thanks to the awesomeness of having it on my tablet. Since I re-read (and re-watched) it, I realized the message of this story is even more prevalent now than it was when it first arrived on bookshelves.

Using the medium of manga (and later the series), it explores themes that people are often afraid to talk about. The growing bond between humans and their devices, the often-blurred lines of love, humanity, ownership, and a social commentary of where this world is heading.

Before I get to the five reasons, here is a brief summary of the story:

Chobits follows Hideki and his life after he finds an abandoned persocom in the trash. A persocom is a personal computer that comes in human forms (aka cute/pretty women and girls). They talk to you and look things up for you and walk around with you. You can also get a small “portable” persocom, also shaped like a human but only a couple inches tall (and yes adorably female most often.) Hideki names the abandoned persocom, Chii (the only word she is initially able to say), and the two quickly begin to bond.

So, 5 Reasons Why Chobits Might Be Our Future:

Our Dependence on Computers

Today, I woke up, got dressed, and checked my tablet for emails. Then I checked my phone. In the world we live in, it is almost impossible to not be on a computer at least once a day, though I suspect it is much more than that for most people. I spend about 75% of my day in front of a screen of some sort and it is hard to imagine living in a world where I wouldn’t. We, as a society spend WAY too much time depending on the computers in lives. I mean most people don’t know their best friend’s (or significant other’s) phone number by heart because they never have to remember it, its always right there in their pocket.

Chobits presents us a world where most people can’t function without their persocoms. They travel with them, they live with them, they work with them, they even love them. The main character, Hideki, even complains that he can’t do much of anything without a persocom, and before he finds Chii, is jealous of everyone who has one. It is like the way we treat iPhones, but to the extreme. Another character, Minoru, depends on his personally built persocom for companionship, to fill the void left when his sister died. She looks just like his sister, and he has programmed her to act as his sister would. Without her, it is strongly implied he would become depressed and reclusive (although one can argue he is already reclusive, but it would probably become an extreme case.)

The way we depend on our phones to keep us informed, our computers to be there to find answers for us, and our computers and televisions to keep us entertained, I think we are not far behind building machines that look like humans to further shield us from loneliness and pain.

Our Humanity

It is easy now to look at the machines in our life, and not have a second thought about throwing away broken ones or getting them reset, or repaired. Because they are just machines. However, we do have a tendency to be wasteful. Getting rid of our perfectly good phone because the newer model came out. However, what if those machines had voices, personalities, and human appearance like in Chobits? Would you be able to throw away that pretty girl into the trash when he memory failed and she was damaged? Unfortunately, probably.

Chii is discarded into a pile of garbage like she is trash. It is also alluded to that people recycle persocoms like we do phones and devices. Despite the persocoms being almost real people, they are still treated like trash when by some owners. However, Hideki and very few others in the world, cant look at the human face and see only machines, they see people.

It should also be noted that when our electronics begin having personification, it will be harder to maintain our humanity toward the electronics and toward each other. Also themes of ownership come into play, especially with persocoms of Chii’s variety.

Distancing From Society

I don’t think you can go into any building, anywhere without seeing someone on their phone or iPad. Or get through a day without getting a text message or email. With an app for everything, you can almost go through the whole day without speaking to an actual human. Banking online, order your takeout online, you can even buy your groceries online. We spend more time glued to our devices than talking to each other.

In Chobits it goes so far as to have people who MARRY their persocoms. This might seem weird to us, but remember, these persocoms have personalities, they are attractive, they seem like real people. Ueda, in the series, married his persocom and when her memory became corrupt and she couldn’t “remember” anything, he still he loved her so he couldn’t bear to repair her because she would have become a different “person.” He felt real pain for her, and because of that he has trouble forming relationships with other people after she “dies”. Yumi, the character that loves Ueda has a real inferiority complex because of the emotional attachment men have to their persocom. She, as a real person, also has trouble forming relationships because men are often too preoccupied with their persocoms.

Considering a few years ago a young man non-legally married his video game girlfriend, we are not far off from a world where our devices are friends, lovers, and even spouses. It is a slippery slope for sure.

Computers doing our jobs

We are pretty close to this happening. We already have computers performing tons of basic jobs. But we still have to set them up to do that. In Chobits, Chii is able to go out on her own and get a job on her own. She wasn’t told to and she didn’t need programming for it. She just went out and got a job in bakery. Ueda had also bought a persocom to do the accounting and finances for his bakery, and it is alluded to that most businesses have a persocom doing basic human functions such as being secretary but people can even have their persocom be their trainer to work out every morning.

There is both an upside and downside for this process, but in our already fragile economy (at least in the US), it does more harm than good. We are overpopulated and under worked. If we add computers doing our jobs, that makes even less people working and earning money to live.

While I understand computers doing jobs for us is economical in some cases and extremely helpful, there is a fine line between where we are today and where we could be if it got out of hand.

In the series, Chii is revealed to be of the “Chobit” variety. A persocom that is sentient to the point of freethinking, reasoning, and most of all the ability to feel love, loss, friendship and all the emotions that make us human. She has free will and she is able to utilize so much so to even getting a job. The persocom falls in love with Hideki while he struggles with his own feelings for her fraught between loving her for her actual personality and his knowledge that she is a machine and ultimately the fact that he could never be intimate with her (due to the unfortunate placement of her memory/erase switch. Although there is debate regarding this part in the series and anime).

However, Chobits presents these struggles in a way that the audience can reason with both. Chi has memories, and feelings, and a pseudo-mind further blurring the lines between love and life. When a machine can think, can feel, can even love you, its hard not to begin looking at them as “people”.

This struggle is something that has been presented in several sic-fi story lines because we are heading dangerously fast to that world. Even cartoons such as “Futurama” explore the machine/human relationship.

It is not hard to assume that one day we will have computers similar to these, whether they are shaped like humans or not, we at least need to be prepared to rethink the way we define humanity.

5 Changes to Expect In Hunger Games Sequel: Catching Fire

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Wether your liked the big screen adaptation of The Hunger Games or not, if you are a fan of the series you are probably just as excited for the sequel to be made into a film as well. Catching Fire hasn’t begun production yet, but the director Gary Ross has mentioned that there are a few things he is likely to change in the sequel.

But knowing some of the changes they ADDED to the first film, we can surmise that they will have to also change their effect on the second and third novel’s adaptation.

You can see five likely changes below:

SPOILER WARNING: The following article presumes you have read both The Hunger Games and the sequel, Caching Fire Proceed at your own risk.

The Riot in District 11

They showed this scene happening in the film right after Rue’s death. I get the reasoning behind it. It is more moving, stirring and emotional. However in the novel series, District 11 only sends her bread as thanks for her kindness. We do eventually see a riot in the district but it is not until the second novel when Katniss and Peeta head there for the Victory Tour. It ends with an old man whistling and then promptly being shot to death with Katniss and Peeta hustled out.

Because the film had the riot occur during the games of the first movie, there are several ways they could handle the original riot. They could have another riot, but that seems like it would be sending a message that the Capitol isn’t strong, but also a message that the riots are stronger and more driven now. Or they could write out the riot and just mention it, that is a little lazier. Or they could take out the Victory Tour all together.

Either way they will have to adapt the screenplay and story to account for the other riot already occurring.

No introduction of hovercrafts removing bodies from the arena

The film left out the fact that Capitol Hovercrafts came to retrieve bodies of dead tributes. That Peeta and Katniss use this as a way to know where tributes are in the arena. This may seem like a small detail but it is important at the end of the sequel Catching Fire.

At the end of the novel when Katniss breaks the force field, a hovercraft swoops down and picks her up and its important because she initially fears that she is being kidnapped by the Capitol. Those who haven’t read the books, i.e. those who just saw the movie, don’t know about the capabilities of the hovercraft or what their showing up normally who mean for the character.

This should be a relatively easy fix with a little backtracking in explanation of the Capitol, but only if they decide to keep the ending of the move the same as the book. If they don’t fans will be pretty upset but it would be easier than having to reintroduce the hovercraft technology.

A lot of District 12 details were left out

We got to see the district briefly but the inner workings of the district were left out. Such as the relationship between the district people and the peacekeepers, Darius hanging out at the Hob, and even the idea that her hunting at all is somewhat illegal. The hunting issue becomes major when Gale is whipped in public during book two.

Considering much of the second novel takes place in District 12 we can hope that they will spend more time describing the ins and the outs of Katniss’ home. Either that or it will be glossed over even more to get more quickly to the Quarter Quell.

Watching the Gamemakers worked in the first movie, but it won’t in the second

We know from the books and even a bit in the novel that Katniss knows how the gamesmakers think when creating the games. Seeing the gamemakers work in the first one was a nice touch but it will definitely not work the same if incorporated into the second book.

Much of Catching Fire‘s Quarter Quell is left in the dark because our protagonist, Katniss has no idea what they are planning till about halfway into the games. Because the Quell is special consequences, she doesn’t know what they are planning or how they have the arena laid out until halfway through she kind of sorta figures out the clock-work.

If they choose to incorporate the gamemakers scenes into the second film, we will lose the sense of confusion the audience shares with Katniss in the novel. Hopefully since Gary Ross has already stated things will be a little bit different, he will take a note from the novel and let us keep our shared perceptions of the Quell with Katniss.

Katniss and Peeta never have a confrontation about their feelings for each other

One of the things I disliked the most of the movie adaptation of the first book (don’t get me wrong, I still liked the movie) was that Peeta and Katniss don’t have the talk where it is revealed that she may or may not have been faking it for the cameras. The audience learns that his feelings are very clearly real but we are not so sure about Katniss. The film, unfortunately, leaves it without that confrontation.

This means they will either have to include it in the beginning of the film adaptation of Catching Fire or they will have to keep up the less strained more ambivalent relationship between the two. Hopefully the former is what they decide because it is a crucial moment for the characters that sets the tone for their relationship the rest of the series. It also helps set up the love triangle with Gale, without her back and forth feelings for the two we have a less credible love triangle.

Catching Fire is scheduled to hit theaters on November 22, 2013.

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